Cast your vote on what's worse - others feeling sorry for you or not being able to do what you used to do?

I personally think that both of these are equally bad - I'm an equal-opportunity thinker at times though.

I'd like your perspectives and arguments - It might just help me tip the scale and rant about one more than the other =)

Hi Julie. I believe you cannot control what other people feel. So I vote for the not being able to do what you used to do. I will be curious to see the responses on this one!

For me, the latter. I miss dancing with legs that worked right, I miss painting with a hand that could move, I miss being able to feel the warmth of a hug....

I vote for not being able to do what I used to do. People that I love and love me do not feel sorry for me or at least they dont treat me like they do. It has also helped me be closer to them. For example, I like to cook and do most of the cooking. Having only one arm makes chopping fresh veggies, etc tough. Now my kids and wife are in the kitchen learning and we have more fun together.

Although at this time.. my vote may be due to the fact that i just had my surgery and still on 'recovery period' - i do vote for - not being able to do what you used to do... indeed i am really grateful for the love, prayers and support that i get from all the people who chose to come and stay in my life during this major crisis in my life. also am truly thankful that my surgery has been really successful - though it doesn't mean it's the end of being cautious / careful , not to mention i have yet to be monitored by my doctors and anticipate to have a series of follow up tests and care, and ofcourse - being on medication such as keppra - is something that most of us have to deal with.. post surgery - my doctors decided to increase my keppra dose... as a result i have the usual side effects - increased dizziness, and am frequently sleepy and i do have occasional headaches which i know is not related to my recent surgery and am certain it is due to the combo. of meds i am taking..... with all of these - a part of what am going to have to live with until who knows when yet (my doctors have yet to discuss it with me on my follow up appt), - my final vote indeed would be not being able to do what you used to... negative thinking aside (i do try to think positive as much as i can), it can be frustrating and lonely. sometimes it saddens me to think that i might not be able to do some of the things i used to do. for e.g. i work as an RN and i am on night shift.. i absolutely love the the people i work with..right now i am on leave from work and i miss my co-workers. i miss my work too. but i know i have to take the time to recover so that when i go back - i be truly ready and capable to take care of my patients.. but i have to put into consideration changing shifts - basically to work on day shift (if my boss allows) - it saddens me indeed as i'd like to believe that i am invincible (that nothing can knock me down) and capable of anything. working nights may not be as appealing but it's just the thought that i might have to make some adjustments such as giving up the night shift due to this medical condition (but right now, who knows? am just thankful my job is indeed secure.. i do need to go back to work eventually to pay for all the medical/surgical expenses)...... hmmm.. hope what i said makes sense.. i also just wanted to share it as well .. is there somebody out there who feels the same way? anyway, here's what i can say.. OUR feelings are all VALID.. and i guess we should just cut ourselves some slack..... HERE's some POSITIVE vibes to all!!! Let's do this! We CAN do it!!!

Hi Julie,
I definitely miss being able to do what I used to do, lack of independence, etc. & am coming to terms with the 'new' me.

Definately not being able to do what I used to do is worse! As another member once said "I am jealous of my former self!"

Although anyone is free to add on, it looks like so far it's is worse not being able to do what we used to do. This news is no way happy news, but for some reason I feel very grateful. Thanks for responding and getting it.

I agree, it is definitely not being able to do the little things you used to take for granted. My left hand is hopeless with fine motor skills and I hate that I have to constantly remind myself to use my right hand, for e.g. i can't go get me and my hubby a drink as i have to remember i can't carry it back to the table in my left hand.. in terms of the sympathy, sometimes i think a little empathy from people would be nice, i find that with avms and the associated problems that people often can't see, such as the dodgy left hand, people sometimes may forget that you need support and compassion just as much as someone with an obvious injury, such as a leg in a plaster.. do you know what i mean? of course the people we love know..but even still sometimes i find they can 'forget' when the problem isn't obvious to the eye...

Definitely not being able to do the things I used to do. Like" read properly, carry my grandchildren,(re: seizures) understand others words, remember music, sing, and I could go on & on! However, I am grateful for my life, my family, this wonderful site & the people here.

Not being able to do what you used to do, absolutely. I keep trying tho!

I know it's unanimous but we just have to let go what others think. Hopefully better awareness of AVMs will result make others more aware (but I'm an My vote is the same as all the rest, I wish I could do all the things before the discovery and treatment of the AVM but I am grateful just to still be here. Thanks for starting this discussion Julie...and I hope everyone is feeling well.

For me, it depends on the day. It's all hard to adjust to. You have to mourn the loss of what you once could do and now miss. I find however I am sensitive to friends on occasion, they sometimes can't win. I feel hurt if they seem not to understand but then I feel hurt when they give me space. If this were an easy situation everybody would be doing it! ;)

I think back to healthier times, the circle of friends that disappear when you are no longer part of the sport or activity. Loss of ability is the winner.

While I can't control how others feel, I must admit that I let how other people view me affect me more than I should. As for things I can't do, there are things I can't do any longer for a variety of reasons. I have found other ways to do them or replaced those activities with others that are just as rewarding.

So my choice is others feeling sorry for you.

Thanks, Suzy, I'm trying to do that...too easy for me to listen or think what other people think.

Just thank you.

I would say: not being able to do what I used to do. Because it reminds me how bad this whole situation is EVERY day. I wake up without a goal and go to sleep with the feeling that I wasted another day.

I don't have the feeling that people feel sorry for me. Sometimes my family cries because everything I have to go through.. But most of my friend don't even call or text me anymore. It's like they don't like me as I am now. If they felt sorry for me they would try to drag me trough all of this (that's my opinion).

Hi Melissa. No day is wasted as long as you are alive. True friends will stick by you. The others are not worth your time. You know you can count on us for support!

Thank you Barbara, I am so glad with this forum. Even though I live in Holland, I get more support here than I get from some of my friends. It's just sad that the people I trusted let me down when I need them the most. I miss going to school and go out at night. Thank you for your message, I need to change my perspective on life, try to see the good things (I guess) Hug Melissa