Clear As Mud

Not a call for sympathy! ! Advice perhaps! Or just friendly discussion! My bleed/diagnosis was 2 1/2 years ago, and additionally because I had the opportunity of experiencing Motor Cortex damage; my left arm/hand, and left leg are all mildly paralyzed! Beyond weak-- I can get some very minor movement, which involves much concentration and a resulting headache! The real dilemma here is that my Husband of 15 years is divorcing me because; " I am not the girl he married, my Limbic system damage has eroded my entire personality! Not to mention that he has gained 50 pounds in 15 years, he is almost 2x the person I married! Some days, humor is all I have left! That stands to reason because the injury was right Temporal "I am not in my Right-Mind"! Anyway I Was Married in the Church, and I do remember something about "In Sickness and in Health! and so on about Good times and Bad..." Possibly he said his IDo's to a different oath? Again the humor! One of my Best friends swears "Nicole, you can Still do SO much better than him!! Humor!

thanks for listening friends, and as always, thanks Ben 4 the site!

Hi Nicole,

I would encourage you (if I haven't mentioned it already) is to take all the physical therapy you can. At some point (GRRRRR) you will plateau and insurance will stop paying.

When we hit that point, we knew a lovely and talented personal trainer who had a tremendous knowledge of muscles and such. Chari's issue was foot drop and an atrophied leg muscle. Chari over a year took personal training sessions from her NOT to fix non working muscles, but to develop and strengthen WORKING muscles that could take over for the non working ones. It helped tremendously.

Susie (trainer) said one time to me "give me a person who has SOME function left and I can help them."

Now it can't be some hunking gym rat--it needs to be someone well versed in personal training AND how the body works.

Best wishes,
Ron, KS

I don't think very many people go into marriage assuming that they or their spouse are going to be hit with major health issues. It's sort of like buying a new car or a new appliance and turning down the extended warranty because you figure it's not worth the extra cash to cover something that will probably never happen.

Understandable! I can't recall ever paying the extra cash for an extended warranty. At the same time, my wife and I got married about 5 weeks before my surgery, and my surgery was already scheduled. It was a very emotional wedding for everyone... But for my wife and I, as we were saying our vows, we also knew that there was a chance that it could also be part of saying our goodbyes. I consider myself very fortunate that she has been willing to stick with me, so I am very sorry to hear that your chubby hubby has decided to bail. But I think your friend is right... You can do better. Any single AVM guys out there?

I think your husband doesn't deserve you. People like that are so GRRRRRR! We know that this is the time that you needed the most support and love that you can get and here he is, walking out of your life because he is afraid of the responsibilities of taking care of you.
Let him go. God have another plan, a better person for you. YOu will be in my prayers ;)

Lets hope he stays healthy and never needs someone, "in sickness or in health" You can absolutley do better!

Ditto to what Lisa wrote!

Unfortunately, sometimes it takes something like this to figure out who is really meant to be in your life. I "lost" friends after my bleed/surgery. That's how I knew they weren't true friends. My husband, thank goodness, never waivered. That's how I know he's the right one. Your husband obviously wasn't deserving of you. You just needed this little bump in the road to see that!

Well said Trish. As I read Nicole Post I keep thinking the same two things. He's not worthy (ok that was in a and people (lucky for us) show their true colors when something bad happens to you. Rather than repeating that, Trish said it! Wait, I just did. Sorry. Ah well. :)

Hi Nicole - I'm not too big on sympathy, so it must be your lucky day =) I am ataxic on my left side (vocal chord included-hooray!)- although there's still some paralysis, it is waaayyy better now than before - my bleed was about 3.5 years ago. I'm not well-versed on motor-cortex surgery-mine was in the cerebellum-but I would keep trying things to keep that side moving asap-I've come to not believe everything doctors, nor anyone for that matter, says.

Regarding relationships, I'm probably not the best on that subject, but I know that separations are pretty common with any type of disability - you're totally right, and I know that probably doesn't help, but both of you have been through a VERY stressful experience-I'm sure you've had your fair share through the years, but since you're not able to make him love you, I personally don't think that it's a time to settle, and it might be a great opportunity to figure out and do what you want out of life before you die-not to be morbid.

If I've learned anything, life is short so grab it and do that which makes you happy...with or without him.