Dear All,
Ever since my stroke in March this year due to a brain haemorrhage, I can honestly say that my pre-level patience has disappeared..... After 11 years of marriage and three children my path of continuing to forgive my wife has come to an end.... In he past she has threatened too divorce me twice, once within the first week of our marriage after a discussion with her so-called friends and again using my cousin, both times she receded...
In the past she has treated me like dirt... putting me down on most occasions making her self feel good at the expense of ridiculing me, i've had knives thrown at me, apples chucked at my head... been told I'm to boring to go on holiday alone with, been told I have no friends and no one loves me..... Cheated on for eight years.... and I still have the virtu of forgiveness....
Since my stroke, my wife stole money from my account I only found out this via the police, as we have children I decided not to press charges... The only course of action is to go our separate ways, this will hurt the children.... but I cannot remain in a marriage with someone who clearly had no love for me and used me for her own advantages... I'm just looking for some help and guidance..... No person ill or not ill should be subjected to this!!
Really sorry for all you are going through! Going through a stroke is hard enough! My thoughts are with you my friend.
You are right. No person should have to endure what you have endured no matter their position health-wise. I can't say what you should or shouldn't do as it is not my place to offer that advice but I can say....no person should be robbed of money or love or freedom because the other person thinks it benefits them more.
Children should not be the only reason a relationship of any magnitude is held together. As a person who grew up in a home where the mother felt obligated to remain in a relationship because of her "inability" to support her own children without this man, it hurts the children, they can see more than you can ever imagine...I will NEVER forgive my mother for the things I have suffered because she couldn't find the strength to be her own person. We no longer have a relationship as a result of my stroke and my new found inability to remain silent about my childhood and the things she purposely chose to ignore for "the sake of the children." I can't go into more detail than that.....
If you fear your children will blame you...all I can say is don't leave them completely in the dark. I don't know their ages but, from my own experience, honesty is seriously the best policy. Maybe they don't need the finer details since this is their mother (who, in my opinion, is the 'bad guy"). But they should know that no matter the situation or circumstances or coming changes in the relationship (or lack-there-of) with your wife, they are not to blame. And that no matter who leaves the household, your relationship with them will never change. They will be comforted by your honesty and openness no matter their age. If you leave the kids in the dark....they'll be confused, feel the weight of the blame and I'm sure that's the last thing you want. I'm very sorry you are finding yourself in a position where you must make this decision but as I learned from my own disabling stroke last year, if there is ever a time where you have a right to be selfish and put yourself first for once...this is the time.
You deserve somebody who appreciates you and gives you love, unconditionally. Im sorry that you wasted 11 years on this woman.
I am sorry but it sounds as if you have done everything you could to salvage the marriage. I want you to read Daniel Sadlers’s profile page . He may give you some inspiration that things may work out for the best. You will note his ex-wife walked out on him when he was in the ER! He is now married to a wonderful lady…http://www.avmsurvivors.org/profile/DanielASadler
They both host a big AVM event in their home in TX every year!
Hello
It sounds like you have been in abusive both physically and emotionally for many years. You need to get out of this relationship esp for your children you do not want them to think this is acceptable behavior. You should get out as soon as possible for your health and for your children. You should also report her if she does anything physical to you so there is a record.
It is normal after a stroke to be angry and to swear and have a short fuse.
When I was in a coma from my stroke my husband said a women told him she could not handle it and she left her husband who was my room mate who had a stroke and she never came back. But he is probably better off. My husband quit his job to take care of me and my doctors are shocked at my recovery. I told them its because my husband was my 24/7 care giver and he knew when I needed to rest and needed to get off my tush.
I am sorry you have been going through all of this on top of your health for so long.
I will keep you in my prayers
Angela
Hello Bhav! I'm so saddened to hear this!!! You're right, no person should have to endure all of this cruel and abusive treatment and while you have shown unbelievable Faith with your forgiveness, it does sound like the only course of action is to make the decision to get yourself out of this very unhealthy situation...not only is this unhealhty for someone who is not ill, I'm sure this is affecting your AVM healing and you will be so much better off without all of this sTrEsS in your life on a daily basis. You're an incredible person to have shown so much patience, hope and faith and now is the time to take action.
While I know that this must be so difficult for you and you must be heartbroken, pleaes know that better times are heading your way!!!
/Michele