.... and how do you control / manage it?
Do you know it's coming on?
What do your family do to help?
HELP
I need to be re-programmed.
My tolerance level, sometimes, is zero.
I have turned into an, at times, evil robot.
Does anyone else know what I mean?
Thanks
Did your avm bleed? If so it might have affected the frontal lobe which to my understanding controls anger etc. Regardless, i dont think my frontal lobe was much damaged, however i still find i am much less patient than i used to be. It is a good thing we are aware of this, however, because it means that we can control it.
I know exactly what you mean. Although I'v gotten better in the years since my bleed, I still find my tolerance is greatly reduced. Screaming children and people that talk to much are big annoyances for me.
Before my bleed I was very good at not saying what I thought as to not offend anyone. Now that "filter" is out the window. Sometimes words fly out of my mouth before I have a chance to worry about if it might offend someone, and often times I do offend.
Oh well. My family and close friends undertand that about me now. They've learned that if they don't want to know what I think they ought not ask me because they'll get the unedited truth. They've learned that I often say things that my be inappropriate. They may be inappropriate but what I say is always the truth. They just might now want to hear it.
My Neuropsychologist referred to this as "taking the brakes off" I confide in her, that Nicole's factory issued brakes weren't the most effective in the first place! She told me frontal/and right brain injuries, very commonly have this effect!That being said, she has gven me suggestions to combat and block those impulsive issues! Among which is mentally practicing multiplication tables to divert the brain's focus. Do yohave a Neuropsychologist? I would suggest you find one! Mine has been a life -saver! Although not cheap!! Requires a lot of school to get that paper! And higher education costs Benjamins, so we pay on the back end! Well, goo luck! And I call it learning to embrace the 'new me'!!
Cheers,
Nikki
Absolutely I get it......I am 12 yrs post bleed and crani and still have rage that is at moments horrible and if I do not leave the area or conversation I know I will blow. My family has chosen to attack my loss of memory as convenient for me, manipulative because when there is a stressfull situation I quite often lose the ability to follow the conversation and have memory of the events of the coversation at a later time so I have been labeled as a liar when I do not remember it as they do.....at the time they want me to.
I have learned to say to myself that I am fine and they are not., I at least have a reason for being and doing and they are just as===les. I choose my battles and walk away from self serving dimwits who only care about themselves and to be right no matter how loudly or physically they have to prove it.
Just remember to count to 10 or remove yourself from the area, write down the problem as you see it and at a calmer time talk about it so you will be heard or understand that person does not give a damn except for themselves and you can choose what to do accordingly.
I have had to choose for family to have limited access to me or in some cases no access....Oh well I am loved by many that I also care about the rest can just rest.
Hey Flower - Have I ever acted like a jackwod? Did it have anything to do with my AVM stuff? That is the $1 Million question - Either way, I think that it's a natural thing. I read that you can either choose to be right or you can choose to be happy...I'm currently trying to prioritize my peace of mind - I'll let you know how that works out for me =)
Boy am I relieved to know that I'm not alone in this struggle. I have been much less tolerant since my AVM bleed, and I've been walking around with this guilty feeling that I have suddenly become a bad person. While I know that my emotions can be controlled, it's easier said than done. I believe that now that I know it is normal to have these feelings, it will hopefully ease my struggle with this intolerant attitude. Every day is a struggle. What matters is whether we choose to embrace it and grow from it, or trip, stumble and fall in denial.
yes , but i wouldnt call it an evil robot. I would call it a XXXXX on wheels. I am like this a lot of the time. In fact i get very depressed because i think i did or said something to hurt someone and i did not. Then everyone seems to dislike me and i dont know if this is real or imagined and therefore i am in a quandry. That is how my life has been for the past year or so.
Linda
Hey Trish,
I know what you mean when you say your filter has gone.
Maybe, as (generalisation coming up...) people with brain arms tend to be more direct, abrupt and frank we should be politicians. Aren't politicians known for lying?!
:0 Whereas, yes, we do say the truth, and yes, it may be inappropriate at times, and yes people may not want to hear!
Got any ideas for new policies to be added?!
1.) People with dogs should get benefits just as people with kids do.
2.) People with pets should be given time of work to mourn the loss of said pet
3.) People with pets should be allotted a specific holiday - like half term except for pet owners
Thank goodness there are other people who feel this way!
It's a relief to be able to express my frustration because even though I know there are times I'm behaving badly I feel like I haven't been able to control it and it's upsetting not only for me but for the people who are on the receiving end of my outbursts.
I have noticed that after my AVM ruptured I have less tolerance for people and some situations and that my patience levels are lower than they used to be.
It was only after I read this post that I decided to do some research and found out that frontal lobe injuries can cause these kinds of reactions in people.
Now that I've found that out I realise I control how I feel and behave in situations and I'm trying to change the way I react to certain things and/or people. I'm trying not to use the realisation of my outbursts as an excuse to rely on and I honestly want to go back to being the way I used to be: just a happy-go-lucky kind of girl.
After going through something so life changing, your only choice is to move forward. It will take a lot of courage, pain and suffering but you only have that one choice, to go forward. It stinks and it is hard. On a happier note, you can feel better after it is all done.
You will always be able to find wonderful support on this site
Linda
Hi Guys thanks for all your support.
Diary of a bitch part two.
I agreed to see friends although I'd been out the night before. I was tired and said so. We arranged to go somewhere, which meant me organising stuff, the usual thing. My friends(who don't have to plan their life around having had a brain operation) turned up two hours later than I expected ... and I got angry. I had got all my stuff ready and in piles and they had got held up with stuff and didn't think to let me know when they would be arriving.
When I was angry I was told 'your behaviour is unacceptable you are being rude' I explained why I was angry and just got 'your behaviour is unacceptable.' Needless to say the trip was cancelled and I slept for two days. I was that tired. I have told them that their comments are patronising and that if I am annoying them to walk away. Can anyone relate to this?What would you do?
Thanks for your time.
Hi Flower! Your post could not have come at a more better time! Yes, I also behave like a complete XXXXX at times and last night was one of them :(! While I am now AVM-FREE, my tolerance level is also sometimes zero and the "evil tongue" comes out in ways that I never, ever dreamed of...I can't even believe that I sometimes say half the things the roll off my tongue. I am so relieved that I am not the only one struggling with this. Thanks again fo your post and reading thru others inputs has helped me understand that I am not on my own island with this!
/Michele
@ Nicole - it seems that if I used this multiplication distraction in my head, that I would either look like I wasn't listening or paying attention or lose track of what was even being said - I have an issue with "multi-tasking" - is this the point?
Hi Michelle!
Thanks for your reply.
Welcome to my island, hey, it looks like we aren't alone!
Does anyone else find that one minute they can be fine, and the next minute they just have to get away from a situation like IMMEDIATELY and have some space? How do you deal with this? Have people in your inner circle got used to it or do they think you are a complete nut case? (I say 'you' in general.)
I have found that it helps for me to do the things I enjoy, and limit my contact with situations or people that are likely to get me to go off on one. I find I am much better with strangers than with those who know all my history.
I blame my seizure medication for everything. It's evil and not my fault.
Hi Jappy,
What seizure meds r y on? I'm on keppra 1500mg 2 x a day and clobozam.
The funny thing is I'm looking into dating - can you imagine?! I've found a picture and am thinking about what to put on my profile. 'Home loving bitch with mood swings. Bloke must have very good sense of humour and extremely thick skin' LOL. Any suggestions?
Flower, I also have been limiting my contact with situations and people that tend to bring this to the surface ... so nice to have people with us on this island =))))!
Up until at least a year after my avm did I stop acting like a total physco. I mean fly off the Handle screaming crying cursing hitting freak. It was awful. Now a year and 9 months later I’m actually sweeter than I’ve ever been. Give it time.
Hello Michele
Did you find it took time to learn what situations / people can bring out the worse in you?
Thanks for your reply. I wonder who else is on this island, I think it may have quite a big population....!