i really really try not to be sad or feel sorry for my self...but life has always been so hard for me an now even harder...getting things done for my dr apt.still having head ache dizzy...an im fighting with my boyfriend of 6 years together an we have a baby girl whos 2...he is there for me but not ...i feel so depressed..he is good to me but has been saying why dont i keep up on the house an stuff i use to do it all but now i just dont even care if the house is clean......just feel theres no way out of my funk....but as for the apt hope im ready got a list made of thangs to ask...but its really hard to think about what to do ..i need to make the best chocie for me to be ok for my daughter she is the most important thing in my life!!!!! Tightness in my chest
I cant breath.
The only time I can escape
is when I fall asleep.
Constant nausea constant fear.
How did this happen
knowing I'm safe here?
It's a constant worry another will strike.
I worry about it all the time
it makes me lose my appetite.
My sight darkens my life flashes.
My worries control my thoughts
my heart crashes and burns to ashes......
Stay tough. Don't feel bad for yourself. Plow forth and get this over with. "Ok brain, I don't like you and you don't like me. Let's get this over with so I can go back to killing you with beer." -Homer Simpson
Sorry to hear you are in a funk. You will be ok. Cap263 has given very wise advice.
I suggest dark chocolate and sex.
You may lose your mind over this but don't lose your mojo.
Mods, if you censor this is it is not meant offensively.
Hi, Tricia, anxiety is normal in your situation; don't let it cripple you or prevent you from moving forward. It's just an appointment; no one will compel you to have treatment. Let you doctor know right off how scared you are; sometimes trying to hide fear can make fear worse. Yes, you can make a counseling appointment for help with the anxiety so you can talk all of this through with someone, but it's probably not a good time to begin any medications if you may be headed for surgery. Some members find it very therapeutic to blog about their feelings; if you can get the feelings out in the open, it's like you can gain some control over them. Keeping venting here, and know that you are heard and understood. Best wishes!
No worries from me Flower! Chocolate and Sex (and if you add in good wine and cheese) might not cure you, but should feel better (grin).
Tricia, for us, our anxiety level went down as soon as we knew what we were dealing with and had a plan to fix it. For us, not knowing was a bigger concern. AVMs are not fast fixes, usually. Patience is a big requirement.
Hi Tricia, Especially making those first appts. is scary & feels overwhelming, but know you can do it.
Will the appt. be w/ a neurologist or neurosurgeon?
Once you make the appt., keep a note pad or list available to write your questions/concerns to ask your dr. & remember no question is silly to ask.
There's an excellent list of questions @ http://www.avmsurvivors.org/forum/topics/questions-for-my-neurosurgeon.
Best wishes.
I know the feeling of being scared to go to a doctor. I was petrified to see a doctor when I found a lump in my breast. But I did gather up enough courage to go, and fortunately, the lump turned out to be a cyst.
That incident gave me enough courage to see a doctor when I found the lump in my neck that turned out to be an AVM. I was petrified before the surgery. Although I had complicatoins following the surgery, everything got better over time.
I know it's hard, but going to see a doctor is the only way to get help. It might help to break it down into steps. The call might actually be the easiest part. Most of the medical receptionists I've encountered are very kind and sympathetic to people who are experiencing something that is frightening.
I am new to the site, but I can tell you that you are not alone. I often feel down, angry, depressed. But knowing there are sites like this are your comfort. Today may be a bad day. Tomorrow is a NEW day.
Tricia, you certainly are not alone. Having anxiety and depression is a part of having an AVM. Stay strong and make that appointment! We are all here to support you!
