Is All Of This Really Happening?

I can’t believe this. It just seems like a nightmare. But then again its like a miracle, me surviving the bleed in my brain. It is as if i don;t know what to feel, definitely over whelmed. when the burst took place there was a lot going on, my grandfather in law was in the hospital on a venalator. He went the night of my birthday. it was the next day the burst occurred. everyone was at the hospital , but luckly my grandmother in law elected on my mother coming over to help me with my two children, that too was the night my grandfather in law was hospitalized. so thank god i was not alone with my 15month old daughter or six year old son. I don’t remember it all very clearly but here is what i do: I remember talking on the phone with someone and getting off immediately due to the pain in my head. my husband was there at that time, all of a sudden a pop i felt it and i heard it, so i asked my husband if he heard it he seemed just as confused as me and told me he did not hear it but he did comfort me. back to the hospital he went leaving me with my over dramatic mother. i couldn’t even open my eyes i was throwing up and dizzy and just out of it, my mom said i needed to go to the er,but no i insisted i don’t even think i was really with it at that time. i cant remember my father being at my house or my husband coming home from the hospital to check on me. I remember getting in and out of my bath tub i guess i just wanted to ease my pain, I refused to my mother to go to the hospital, i figured it was nothing just a migraine. being a mother, a caretaker and having everything else going on with my grandfather in law, had to of been the reason for me pulling my self together that and god. My avm bursted on Feb.1,2009 I didn’t go to the er until Feb.3,2009. it was late that night i had pushed myself into getting back on my feet, but then it hit me like a ton of bricks once again i told my husband something was wrong and my body was trying to tell me so. test were done at the er they found the mass life flighted me to Tulsa Oklahoma where now my treatment will soon be taking place .they say probably Thursday. i will be having steriotactic radio surgery. the pain i do remember was the feeling of someone stabbing me in my temple with a screw driver and the pressure in my lower back,which was due to the bleed the blood was seeping through my spinal cord. It is all just unbelievable and scary!!!

hi anita, it is often we ask ourselves “is this really happening”? i find everytime i ask myself that question i become stronger.
i hope you are well and also your grandfather in law.
keep us posted on your progress, i will pray for you.