I've been a member here for like a year, year and a half. My AVM was removed almost 2 years ago. I went through a pretty serious bout of depression shortly after the crani that lasted a little over a year I guess. I read a lot on here from blogs to discussions from others and the responses to those posts and the responses to my own posts... I know the depression and rollercoaster of emotions is pretty normal for us.
About, Idk, less than a month ago, maybe longer Idk, I had noticed some real heavy downs but I just kept pushing it all aside and kept repeating to myself, "that's over with; you relearned how to deal with all that, remember?"
Either I've been lying to myself (very likely) or I somehow got back on that damn ride; I'm not sure which. Is it normal to experience this rage and depression as if it is just as fresh as it was just after my bleed and resulting crani two years ago? I'm just so angry all over again and I feel like I am tackling the same emotional hurdles I thought I had overcome or learned to deal with. Idk...I'm very depressed and angry again and I'm so impatient about it all that I don't even want to see my Dr. or talk to my husband or deal with my kids and I just want to yell at everyone and everything and I keep repeating these horrible things to myself like I'm 14 with no self-esteem. I don't know what's wrong with me...
Hi Kristi
Anger and depression are common emotions after a cranie...my 37 yr old daughter is going thru the same thing 10 months after her neurosurgery. I have also spoken to others who have the same problem. We have been told its partly due to the surgery but also the medication. She went through a very traumatic time, physically and emotionally as I am sure you did too, so that is going to take time healing. As family members, we have to be very patient and hope that time will solve this problem. If its any help, we have noticed slight changes for the better in my daughter. Hang in there but do speak with your doctor about it.
From what I understand depression is a thing to be maintained and not always a one-time occurrence. Yes, depression is very a very common side effect from the craniotomy but the fact that it stills tends to rear it’s ugly head after a time is a sign that it has a tendency to come back. There are things you can do to combat this, but we are not doctors, so I’d talk to your doc about this specifically. Maybe therapy can help you address it too? Who knows? It’s worth a try. They say that meds combined with therapy is the best defense… Oh and lighten up…nothing is wrong with you…you recognize it…that’s definitely not a problem ;) We got your back!
Thank you Suzy! I kept thinking: If I recognize it, maybe I don't need a doc? I don't want a dr and I wouldn't mind therapy but pills;I am so tired of taking them. I know they will prescribe more, I don't want any more. I tried Depakote, it gave me diarrhea (maybe that's too much info?) I tried Lexapro...I couldn't eat for 2 weeks and had one migraine after the other so....
I want to get off Keppra. Could that still be causing my emotional instability even though I've been on the same dose for almost 2 years? I know it causes depression and irrational anger/behavior (especially in me) but I thought once it was fully in my system these things woould stop happening and I thought that was what happened when the anger "went way," that the meds had stabilized or whatever but I guess...I guess not. I'm very afraid that this will never go away.