“Has anyone else experience this?”
Yes, yes and yes. Each surgery has had an impact. Initially I didn’t recognise it. “I haven’t changed, it’s everybody else who has changed…” In hindsight, I think I was simply projecting onto others. It’s much easier to see changes in others, but to look at self can be a little (a LOT) confronting. I tried to convince people (and myself) “I’m still the same” But I’m not. Over time I have come to recognise this, not that I’ll openly admit it. But it is a reality that is right there in front of me.
After the initial surgery I tried to get straight back into life as it was. I can remember the day I got out of hospital, that night I went back to work. Dumb idea. Within an hour of being there I was SO unwell. I wanted the human interaction after being couped up in hospital and thought returning would do me good. WRONG. It was all too much too soon, but I couldn’t recognise it and got a bit anti when others identified it for me. The problem wasn’t them, the problem was my acceptance of my reality.
I wouldn’t say I was an extrovert but I’ve certainly become more insular, self protective. I used to be a ‘doer’, if something needed doing, I’d do it. Get it done. It was part of my personality. Not anymore, I have to assess, examine then work out if I can. And this is been very foreign and hard to accept. And even today years and years later I still get frustrated that I can’t just “Do” anymore, I still (stupidly) try to and then kick myself for it when I pay for it in agony. That ‘acceptance’ thing still ain’t easy to accept.
Merl from the Moderator Support Team