Put the shoe on the other foot

i have to say when this site found me 5 days ago, i thought this is just what i needed, people who knew what i was going through. well, let start by saying i took care of my friend brad for a year and half and it was countless trips to the hospital, doctors…making sure he had the right meds and he took them like he was suppose to, to bring him home and trying my damnest to take care of him and then having to put him in hospice .while i sat with him 4 five days holding his hand and watching his soul leave his body then palnning how to bury him, so when he did go my world came to a STOP.I thought now what, this is all i’ve done for so long…then i had someone tell me stop crying and get out a meet new people…well, the tears aren’t coming as often and i’m getting out some…but this statement has bothered me…it would be like me saying when ur love passes away, telling you to stop crying go get a new husband or wife or child…it’s not that easy…i say put the shoe on the other foot, because oneday you might be in my shoes.i just want to say for those who’ve listen to my hurtache thank you so much it’s meant the world to me having you all here…

Malissa, I am so sorry and do understand, I wish I had the words to give you to help you feel better, just know you have many friends here who love to listen and reach out when someone is hurting, I have you in my prayers that you start to feel stronger as the time passes. It hurts to watch someone you love pass from your arms, My husband has been sick fr more the 15 years and just had his second stroke at the age of 50, im so scared of losing him, been with him 25 years, But I stand strong in knowing God is here and he sent me friends at this avm site to help, I have the avm and without them Im not sure what I would do. These people listen and care. Just know im here anytime you want to talk k…:slight_smile: Caroline

Some people say the most thoughtless things! And believe they are helping you! You need time to mourn. Not necessarilly hide yourself in a hole, but allow yourself plenty of time to grieve. It’s the people who bottle up their emotions that one day snap and go nuts! We’re here for you, Melissa.

“stop crying and get out a meet new people”… ouch!

Yep, heard that one before - usually in the form of ‘get over it already’. It was always very crushing to hear such things from others because it invalidated my feeling of loss and sadness - it’s like it took away my permission to feel the way I felt, that there was something ‘wrong’ with grieving. I can really identify with your reaction (and some day, I hope to grow up enough to forgive the ignorant self-centred morons who spoke those words to me… ).

My experience falls in line with what Connie said - I grieved the way I needed to grieve. As you so accurately said, the tears start to come less often. And with less intensity too I found. It just took time before I could focus on the good times I had with those I’ve lost without feeling a profound sense of loss. The only thing that seemed to speed up the healing process was giving myself permission to grieve - and ultimately permission to be happy (when I was ready - not because my grieving made others uncomfortable).

Hang in there!

HEY Melissa
People can be so thoughtless sometimes or they say things they think are a help but it has the opposite affect. Stay strong and I am thinking of you. Amanda