Rudeness anybody?

I have been told that I have been rude. I don't think I have.

I just tell things as they are.
If I offend people that is their problem.
If I feel let down by someone I will tell them.
Is this wrong? What is so wrong about honesty? Or maybe i can't see the other persons point of view and have zero tolerance with some people?
Does anyone else get what I mean?

Hi Flower,

It might be as simple in how you present your statements. (I'm guessing here and might be way off base).

One of the things our kids learned in grade school, and we learned in a marriage enrichment course is to make statements like this:

I feel (insert emotion here-- sad, hurt, disappointed, frustration)
when you (insert action here)
and what I would like is (insert preferred action here).

It's a subtle difference, but it can be huge. For example, if I say "You don't assist me very much", the other person will become defensive "YES I DO!"

But if you say "I feel hurt when you don't assist me very much, and what I would like is for you to be more sensitive to the assistance I need." The other person can't argue with how you feel--it is your feeling. Of course, they can say "you shouldn't feel that way", but how you feel is how you feel, and no one can convince you to feel differently.

I hope this makes sense and is helpful.

Ron, KS

I agree with Ron. It might be in how you say things. But my first reaction to you being told you were rude was "b**** please" lol. You have been through so much, so you tell it like it is. That can't be a bad thing for you...maybe for others. I'm just saying. Wishing you the very best.
((( Flower ))) :J

Flower,
I'm assuming you are referring to your friends and people you talk with. Because, I have never been offended by anything you posted. I enjoy reading what you write very much. Personally, I like people like you. I would rather someone be straight up with me. Then feed me a line of bologna.

Perhaps it's how you word things or a tone in your voice (?). I have a dear, dear friend that comes across strong at times. Since I know her so well, I don't pay any mind to it. But, others may find her ways offensive to them. Needless to say, her communication skills aren't the greatest.
I myself feel, if we don't care about other peoples feelings - then how can we expect them to care about ours? I learned there are ways to be upfront with people and still be kind in our wording and that works for me.

Ben

Thanks Ron
Yes that makes sense. I have the subtelty of a sledge hammer when I am tired,

Wise words - Ben as ever.

Thanks

Hi Flower - this might sound kind of airy-fairy (technical term), but one thing that I’m working on is the intention that I hold before I speak to someone, but I’m partial to Ron’s approach…AND I think that Suzy’s point is beyond valid.

Since my surgery and everything that I’ve been thru I’ve become VERY outspoken! I’m now called b***h by my friends and I accept that lol! Don’t get me wrong I try not to hurt anyone’s feeling by what I say but also don’t double cross me, use me, or ask for my opinion if you don’t want the truth! Having an AVM changes a person we have a right to that as we all go thru so much! Your true friends, family, and the ones who truly love you will always be there no matter how you act or what you say (as long as its not offending someone just to hurt them)