An avm ruptured in my cerebellum 5 years ago. Since then I had hydrocephalus and problems with my cerebellum. This means I’m bad at math, bad memory, bad motor and coordination. Would it make me a total failure if I wanted to drop out of college? I’m a sciences major and these courses are killing me. Does anyone relate to this?
It is SO HARD going back. I went back this semester with just two classes, & it was extremely hard. It makes me want to drop out altogether too, but I think I’m gonna stick it out, but Ill see. Just choose what’s best for you. It’s different for everyone. Dropping out after something like this isn’t shameful, it’s what YOU need, not what other people think about it. Anyway, tons of people never go to college or make it through without having anything like this happen to them. If anything, you can take a break for a few years & if you feel up to it, go back later.
Hi Michele. If you choose to go a different direction in life that does not make you a failure. As Calvin Coolidge once said the world is full of educated derelicts. Go find something you like to do and pursue it. Just remember that just because you cannot do something today…does not mean that you cannot accomplish it tomorrow! You can always go back to school later. However, before dropping out you might want to a college counselor and see if tutoring might help.
This is the 2nd timeive seriously considered dropping out. I’ve been tutored but I mean sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn’t. I can only do it if I stayed home and studied all day & I can’t do that. School has taken up so much of my life I barely have time for anything else. And also, being around teenagers is never an easy thing for me. To say I dislike them might be an understatement
Have you tried online classes? I've never done any, but a lot of people at my rehab center did them. Or night schooling? That might be a more mature crowd...
Hi - I actually used to work in a department of a university that offered support to students who needed to study and/or do other school-related things differently. If this is still something that you’re passionate about, it’s worth looking into what is available to you and your now-needs.
On the other hand, in no way do others see you as a failure (if others do, then screw them), especially if your passion has changed.
Even though many initial majors (ie Science) aren’t utilized in a career path, one of the gifts, from my rare-disease experience, is that we choose what we spend our time and energy on - and there’s tremendous value in that…and, if your desire and passion have changed, life is too short to not accommodate that change.
I think that it’s easy, in general, to think of ourselves as failures if we end up not following through on something; but, really, when you take a step back, you have to ask yourself the question: “Am I defining myself as a failure, or am I allowing someone else define me as a failure?” I’m going to bet that not living upto someone else’s expectation puts you in that failure-box. Don’t believe that hype - that’s all that it is.
You said that the classes are “killing you.” In my now-book, there is NO class that’s worth dying over…I didn’t have this same perspective before - strangely enough. Anyway, perhaps there’s a different program-focus that’s similar to what you want to do but, at the same time, won’t kill you.
Hi Michelle,
I'm voting along with what all of the others have said. No! You are NOT a failure! You have to do what is best for you. My short term memory is damaged too. I'm lucky if I can remember even the simple things. I can't imagine trying to learn something new and expected to remember it. I think quitting school is the best thing you can do for yourself. Think about this - if your best friend was in your shoes and asked you for advice.....What would you tell her? That's what I thought (wink). Do yourself a favor and be your own "best friend". Give yourself permission to quit. You will thank yourself when you do. Then go to a nice restaurant and treat yourself (smiles).
I have a friend who is studying online with much success. That is an option if you want to try it (?). I'll send her an email and ask her to comment here for you.
Ben
Hi Michelle.
I recently went back to college to complete my undergrad degree. I do understand what you're going through when you asked this question. Prior to my avm diagnosis, I'd been a pre-vet med major and my hope was to become a veterinarian. I had THE most trouble in my math and science classes and I was angered because I hadn't had trouble with these subjects when I was in high school...in fact I'd excelled at them. So...2006 I stopped going to school and began just working full time. After my diagnosis and not being allowed to return to work, I decided I wanted to go back to school. I'm now a criminal justice major and completing my coursework online through my univ. I've found that I still have a bit of trouble with my math courses but luckily that's not my major. I'm slowly but surely working through this. My memory isn't great so I have to read and re-read things and make sure I take excellent notes. I've registered with the disability resource center at my school and they've been super supportive. I suggest reaching out to your counselor and letting them know. You're not necessarily "bad" at math. Your brain just requires you to take a different route to find answers :-) Don't drop out. Find something that interests you on a deeper level and try your best at it. Get a tutor... take three classes instead of five. You'll get there and never lose faith. Find out what suggestions they have or if your professors can make certain allowances when it comes to you taking tests. Best to you
Jessica
I think i left a big part out lol well everyone since my bleed I had 5 brain surgeries to remove the avm and fix the resulting hydrocephalus. This all happened to me on october 6th 2007 which meant i missed all of 8th grade. Anyway so from the surgeries i had to relearn everything which is walking talking moving standing walking motor skills and i have some nasty little disorders like central neuropathy and strabismus. After getting out of the hospital i was put in a BRIDGE program in freshman year. Basically this is a slower math and science track. Ive always had trouble with math bc of my memory. Well this really screwed me up because they kept me in a slow math all of hs & i graduated with maybe a 10-11th grade math level. I kinda am bad at math. Ive been to the disability services and my professors but i just cant get it bc honestly i dont enjoy having to work so hard and spend every second of my life studying since it seems thats the only way i can succeed. I think ive decided to try an art program. Im a super talented photographer but i just havent had time with all this science & math. This is something ive enjoyed but i havent had time at school
I always love the poet Robert Frost.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
I come from a long line of English majors. However, I chose to study Spanish which enabled me to get a job with an airline. That in turn saved my life which enabled me to save my husband’s life years later which brought me back into the neurological world yet again. I chose the road less travelled by in my family and that has made all the difference.
Follow your passion!
DO NOT EVER think you are a failure. Look at all you have come through and survived. To me, that is a sign on strength and resilience, NOT failure.
School isn't for everyone and let me tell you I had a hard time with math and chemistry even before I found out about my AVM and had a ruptured aneurysm. The saddest/most ironic part though is that my horrible math skills have nothing to do with my AVM as my AVM isn't located anywhere near the part of the brain that controls you math and numbers abilities.
I like your idea of looking into more of an arts program. Do what you are passionate about and if you don't like math, then look into post secondary programs where math isn't required. :) And if you still feel that you don't want to persue school, that is okay too. I know a TON of very successfull people who have no post secondary education.