Sibling Support

Has your relationship with your sibling(s) changed as a result of you diagnosis/surgery? Has it become stronger with better support and concern? Or have you seen the opposite occur and as a result felt dissapointed and sad in that person?

Yes, mine has. At first, I thought it brought us closer but as time has went by and I've seen more and more of the truth (in ALL things), I am extremely angry (disappointed, sad, and down right angry and appalled by actions & 'lack of') toward my family. I know being angry (or 'highly emotional') is not good for us - because of the effect on blood pressure, etc. - and have decided to put an end to my relationship with them, as it is just too detrimental to my health/safety and 'sanity'; therefore, a new year = a new 'start' (I pray). (My decision greatly saddens me but I know it will be for the best.)

Cindy, I'm really sorry about the situation with your siblings and your AVM. Unfortunately mine has been about the same.

I have three siblings, all brothers, and I'm not sure, but I think maybe they don't really understand about it. I guess maybe in their own ways they've tried to, and they know something serious has happened with me with the AVM and aneurysm. But for the most part they've acted like nothing is different. We live in different states, and for a few years now I've only had (sporadic) contact with one brother and none with the other two. The one brother I do have some contact with is very absorbed in his own life and very rarely makes time for me, or anyone else for that matter, who isn't in his immediate circle of people that are involved with his activities and interests (that circle includes his wife and her daughter and their friends).

It's been very disappointing, but for the most part I learned to shrug it off years ago. My family just really isn't all that close and while that bothers me sometimes I've learned to accept it, because there hasn't been much else I can do about it.The part that's the saddest for me is that we were so close when were growing up. I'm the oldest and they are 10, 14 and 21 years younger than me. My mother had a lot of illness when I was growing up and I had a lot to do with taking care of my brothers. We never had typical sibling relationships and maybe that's all why we were so close back then - we relied on each other a lot.

Over the years I've kind of formed my own extended family with friends - much like my brothers chose to do.

For many reasons I'm glad when people act like things aren't different with me because of the AVM - it helps me still feel that 'normal' part of myself and like I'm not being treated differently because anyone feels sorry for me or anything like that. But then there's the other end of that spectrum, which is having them totally ignore the situation as if it doesn't exist, and that feels bad.

Ugh! Family stuff is so hard, and this AVM stuff hasn't done much to make it any easier. =(

yeah mine too.....Me and my sisiter had the average annoying relationship to each other growing up....she went to college we got extremely close and I have felt close to her ever since. Then unknowingly my AVM bled and i was hospitalized for almost two months. I was so dissapointed in her and her reaction to the whole situation. Bottom line...she was not there for me in my time of need and we had always promised each other growing up that we would be there for one another. I am not trying to standardize the situation but I felt my parents were great in their support but my sister just went about her normal life just as soon as she hurt.

Both of my parents and a lot of my other family members have been very supportive and interested in knowing about my condition, so that has been good, and I've let that kind of make up for my brothers being such air heads.

my avm greatly affected my relationship with my family, much the same as cindy, my sister did the polar opposite of supporting me from my diagnosis onwards and instead froze me out. my mother followed suit and now i have no relationship with any of them as it caused me too much stress...this all happened throughout initial diagnosis, my four embo's, my craniotomy, my haemhorrage and my five months spent in a rehab hospital.

it greatly saddens me,but the relationship was strained for a few years anyway,that close family can do this to me during the time i neededthem most. i guess these situations show people for who they really are, some come throughfor you - my husband, my children and my husbands family have all been great - but others use the situation to do what i feel they've always wanted to do, push you away. its very difficult to reconcile but we are better off without such negativity and selfishness however hard it may be.