Since We Last Talked

So, I've been gone for a while. I guess I'll update all of you. So I actually did fail algebra 2, but I'm retaking it & I'm passing with a 94. I still can't use my left hand. I stopped therapy in January. But in April I started to walk funny. But I also fell in gym, so my mom didn't think anything of it. But then in September she brought me to a knee doctor. It wasn't my knee, it was my foot. So she called my neurologist & we went to see him earlier than we were supposed to. From my gamma-knife there was swelling in my brain. He put me on steroids for two weeks, which was awful because I was hungry all the time. I gained 6 pounds from that. Anyway, in March, me & my best guy friend started dating, actually I always had feelings for him. We met in 7th grade, but we went to different schools, so. Anyway, so we've been together for almost 7 months. Over the summer, I don't know what happened. June 2, a year after my bleed, I went to Family Kingdom Amusement park with my best friend, Brooke. You remember her. Anyway, that was the best day of my summer. The rest, I sat in bed. Or was with my boyfriend. Anyway, that's when I started to think really badly about myself. I became really unsocial. I couldn't sleep at night. I would stay up until 4-5 every night, crying. Then it got to the point where I couldn't stand anything about myself. I started to starve myself. I thought about killing myself. I tried to cut my wrists, but I was scared. & I only bled once, so I stopped. I talked to my mom, but I didn't tell her about all of it. I told my mom I needed to see my old therapist. But she was out because she had a baby. So I had to wait another 2 months to even get someone to talk to. I finally got to talk to Jessica (I still do, every Thursday at 5) & she diagnosed me with depression. She wanted me on Anti-Depressants, but I don't believe you need medicine to make you happy. So my mom looked up natural ways to treat it. I've been better. I still think badly of myself sometimes, but not as much. I'm doing good in school. Yeah. So that's how it's been.

Brooke,...

WOW,...!!

You have been through so much, but I must say I am so very proud of you for what you have accomplished and will accomplish.
I am happy for you.
Your post gives validity to my most favorite quote:
"You are,...What You do,...When it Counts"
Atta' girl Brooke,...^5

Your friend,...

William

Brooke, I hear what you are saying about the antidepressants, but when you have neurological changes from an AVM, gamma radiation, and an eating disorder, those are some powerful reasons to meet with a psychiatrist and talk about whether antidepressants might be helpful, at least temporarily. Withholding food can actually cause psychosis: see the Minnesota Starvation Experiment (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minnesota_Starvation_Experiment). A family member of mine had an eating disorder, so I have firsthand experience with this. Without medication, I might have lost her. She is now fully recovered and unmedicated.

Heya Brooke! I agree with William you have been through a lot. It must have been just awful for you. But I also agree that your actions speak louder than words and made the best decision despite all. Awesome! By the way...it's so good to know you're an AVM free like Louisa said but you really owe us nothing. (oh and the advice from Dancermom about meds is on the money as well). Just remember, this site is for you if you ever need it. So don't feel like you have to do anything. But, then again, thank you for the update (it put a lot of folks here at ease) and I hope you continue to make the right choices or learn from the wrong ones. You go girl. (on a side note, I really enjoyed all the pics you posted... dang you're growing up!) :J

Brooke....Although we chatted earler, I just saw that there is a girl your age on the Teens with AVM Group, named Brenda that sent you a message before you signed back up. Check her out!

It is nice to hear from you Brooke. Being a teenater and going through what you've been through must be very difficult. It's tough enough growing up without all the "fun" AVM stuff! There is nothing wrong with using medication to help treat your depression. Depression is a real illness, just like strep throat, for example. After my bleed and after I got out of the hospital I struggled with depression. I was hesitant to take any medication too, like you are. But I also didn't want to continue feeling the way I was feeling. I decided to try the medication. It made a big difference! I felt so much better. I only needed them for a short time, maybe a year? I'm off of them now but I also am no longer depressed. Whatever you decide just know there is no shame in taking medication if you need it. Let us know how you're doing and feel free to vent here whenever you need to as well.

Hi Brooke. So sorry you had such a rough time. We all gain weight on steroids. It is just my opinion that the human body is a shell. It is your soul that counts and you have a beautiful one!!!

Hi Brooke,

Glad to hear that things have stabilized for you and that you have a mother, therapist, and a boyfriend who have helped you get to the place you are now and are there for you. Thaks for letting us know how you've been and keep letting iup know how things are going.

Take care,
Debbie

Hey Brooke - First, congrats on re-taking algebra2 and getting a 94.

Great lesson for life…do-overs rock.

Also, I’m sorry to hear about your bouts of deep depression. I know that plenty of us have been there, and I hope that you will seek out immediate attention…perhaps a suicide hotline?

Speaking of knowing that plenty of us have been there, I think that this site adds the best value that way. Like you re-doing algabra2, when birds learn to fly, they have plenty of failed attempts, and they seek respite in between tries in their nest.

I see this site as a “twig” in my nest…I hope that you do, too…not advice necessarily, but a place to recharge, reading that plenty of others are or were in the same boat.

your story is much like mine