Hi ive been in hospital for soo long now my avm bled in june this year and since then i have come a long way, i have recently got my frontal bone flap back which they had to remove to allow the brain to swell. And now i am very emotional im crying myself to sleep because i miss my girlfriend of 3 years soo much and it might just be me but i think she is slipping away from me, she says she still loves me and she wants to sill be with me, she says she needs space because eveything has got on top of her. This is all making me so upset to the point of feeling physicaly sick :’( i need help and most of all i need to be back home with my girlfriend. I currently have a lumbar drain and they are going to clamp it tommorow to see how much i can tolerate and to determine if i am definately going to need a shunt, which i dont mind just aslong as they put it in asap, but all of this is just prolonging my stay in hospital im only 19 and i just cannot take anymore! I just hate that god damn question! “WHY ME?!” Ive been so good in life so ANSWER ME!
I know i need the treatment but i am just soo upset and fed up im just so close to discharging myself its just soo difficult and no one will ever understand except you guys :’(
I'm really sorry, Kyle. It won't always be this way. Don't discharge yourself; try to accept that today is a really rotten day, and tomorrow will be different. Your hospital probably has counselors available that you can talk to today; please ask for one. AVM treatment takes a heavy emotional toll, and I have learned from this site that teens often have the toughest time emotionally. If your girlfriend is the person you believe her to be, she will not slip away. You can still have a wonderful life... stay stong. Keep sharing your feelings with us -- we will listen and understand.
Hi Kyle..It has been a long journey for you, but you are close to the end of it. We are always here for you and understand what you are going through, but tell the hospital staff that you need to talk to someone there as well. They have counselors that can help you through this...They sent one to me when I was in the hospital. Hang in there, Kyle!
I hope everything works out with you and your gf...you have to know that even tho YOU are the one going thru this..your gf is facing emotion crisis seeing you go thru this..she is probably stressing out....take time to have her sit down and talk...and god doesnt put anything in our lives we cant handle..humans are very capable of handling just about anything...just have faith and pray...my best friend had a wreck and i was with him ..he had a stroke..he has 3 months into this and he asks the same thing,,,i tell him theres a reason why your here still...he said im his gardian angel..and i to,d him no im not..that god works thru others at times and if that what it is ,,then it is what it is..to work hard and you will be walking again...i send you prayers....and hugs..:)
Hi kyle,
As a 'brain-friend' told me during my 4th surgery recovery, on those days when you feel you're not doing as well as before, or just having a bad day, know that it's a 'hiccup' on your journey, to give yourself a hug & know tomorrow can be better.
The brain does take a long time to heal, but your youth is on your side. :)
As others have encouraged, seek out a counselor to help you get through these tough days & know you're not alone.
Best wishes to you & your girlfriend.
Thankyou so much guys, my girlfriend came to visit me again today, and we both talked, hugged and cried. We have both come to the conclusion everything has just caught upo with us, which i definately agree with as this is the very first down day i have had sice the bleed! And she does still love me and wants to stay with me like you said she too is going through the emotional crisis, which i knew already but she has just recently been overloaded with things,the tenancy was up on our flat at the start of the month and because i was in hospital, she had to deal with everything like moving all of our stuff out whenever she wasnt up to see me, and i must say she has been by side pretty much everyday since the bleed, and she has had worse emotional trauma than me, as when thew avm first bled i was rushed to hospital and put in a coma, so she didnt know whether i was going to live or die 
but im here anmd thats because I AM A FIGHTER AND I NEVER GIVE UP! As much as its hurting me i have to be strong for my own health and hers and especially our relationship!
Thankyou fellow avmers… FIGHTERS. Much love <3
Hi Kyle - I totally understand about your extended hospital visit - I had one of those, too - and it totally blew. It sounds like you have a full plate of issues that you really didn't want; but try taking one at a time.
On the bright side, you're young, and you have your entire life to invent as you want it.
Hang in there!
Hi Again Kyle - just read your other post - we have even more in common with the girl/boyfriend visits in the hospital and the potential fear of other questionable future things. I know many here also experienced some similar things.
Again, hang in there!
Hi Kyle. Everyone has off days while recovering. If you scroll to the top of this page you will notice that it says…We are AVM Survivors,here for your support. It does not say We are AVM Survivors, We only want to hear from you on good days. Roar…scream…yell if you want to…we may even join in with you.
I will tackle the the question Why Me? I only said it to one friend and that was the night before my surgery. Here was his response…Why not you? Who would you choose to go thru this ordeal? Your parents? Siblings? Friends?
You are strong or you would still not be here! Feel free to lean on us for support!
Oh and if you need a coping mechanism…give your AVM a name. A really nasty one…talk to it and tell it that its days are numbered. Sounds silly but you would be surprised at how much better you will feel. It will make you feel like you have power over the beast!
Hello Kyle. I am hoping you are having a better day today! It's wonderful having this site where you can share your fellings, emotions & anger! and we always understand as we have all been through or going through our AVM journey.
I love what Barbara said, about giving your AVM a name.... I called mine "The Beast" and as you said, NEVER, EVER, give up. Kick that Beast away & "Keep on, keeping on! You are a young man and you will get through this!! Please keep us posted up as to your recover & remember, we are here to help you and support you!!
thankyou yes i had abit of a better day today still emotional whenever someone asks me to smil or asks if inm okay i crack like an egg! well i have thought of something to call it but i dont want to anger it ;) xx
Hi there Kyle. I'm glad you are feeling a little better today. Being emotional is part of recovery I'm afraid Kyle. However, as many say, "This too will pass" even though you may think many times that it will never pass! (;) It takes the brain quite some time to heal, so please don't feel bad about YOU.
I love it that you have a sense of humor, so keep that my friend. Take care of yourself and please, keep us posted. All the very best wishes for 'better day a head".
Kyle, I'm glad you and hour girlfriend talked. It's very important to communicate your fears, wishes, whatever to your partner. Whatever we as survivors are dealing with, we also have to remember it's very hard on those who love us as well. The emotional roller coaster you are riding does slow down and it will eventually stop. The ride just may be longer than you had anticipated. Until then, just hold your arms up, yell "wheeeee"! And try to laugh at the abusdities in life.
Hi Kyle,
Glad you and your girlfriend were able to talk and resolve issues. May you get better soon.
Take care,
Debbie
Kyle, I was in hospital/rehab for two months, and it felt like an eternity. We called it 'hospital time' since an hour feels like a day and time is very different there. When you feel the 'why me', just remember that you are blessed with the ability to survive and heal, and live a long, beautiful life. I had my 'big bleed' at 34, very healthy. Since I had done 'everything right'in life, definitely made me angrier. However, also likely saved my life and also I wasn't going to stop working hard no matter what. Keep coming to this place for support, you'll get frustrated that no one else will 'get it', but everyone here does. I really feel for you, I was absolutely miserable in the hospitals, and I just describe it as I had no idea HOW miserable I could possibly feel. Made having a flu feel like a fantastic experience by comparison. Be well and take each day as well as you can. blessing!!