Two weeks today my gamma treatment will all be over. I hope I wake up when it’s over! All of this is affecting me in a really bad way psychologically. I’m having some really odd thoughts about the whole thing, or at least I’m told that they’re odd. They seem perfectly normal and rational thoughts to me. I don’t believe they’re going to do what they say they’re going to do. I’m convinced they’re going to experiment on my brain while I don’t know anything about it, and I’m not convinced I’ll wake up. They can’t be trusted these people who call themselves doctors. I keep seeing these damn spiders and I can’t tell if they’re real or not. I don’t like spiders. I have to keep busy so I don’t think about it all, but then keeping busy is making me mentally and physically exhausted, then when I stop to rest the thoughts all come back again. I’m not sure that I’m coping with this any more. I just keep on going to work and trying to live a normal life, but I don’t know what normal is any more.
hi LOZ,
all these thoughts and visions is your body and minds way of coping with all this stress…i would reccommend you see a physcologist…i did…it’s good to talk to some one who isn’t involved in the situation…it helped me deal with my huge life change…should give it a go…stay strong all is going to be fine
Hi there…
I have sort of the same thoughts… my best friend died when i was 19 of a blood clot in the lung and ever since i found out about my avm i have had severe anxiety and panick attack as i think i will die. i sometimes think that i will go to sleep and not wake up. its really affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. my mother forced me to go see a Psychologist and im so glad i do… In Australia medicare can assist with payments…
i know its hard…
Hi, Loz- I had the same feelings- how would I know that they really did anything? 2 years later and its finally shrinking. I still have the scar on my head where they bolted the helmet to my head, too! Work is good therapy. Stay busy.