how many of you here have made a complete change of personality and socializing after surviving their avms? after I got out of the hospital I started avoiding most of my friends and I cut ties with my best friend when he started being condescending towards me when he boasted about the progress he has made in his life and career. I also have little tolerance for people who don’t live up to their promises. If they disappoint me in any way like not helping me with something after I helped them i would cut ties with them. Am i a bad person? is anybody else here like me? I am scared i might end u being alone, what about you?
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I just spent near an hour typing a message to our community how I was going to step away, that I needed a break and needed to get myself and some relationships straightened out. I deleted it all. I hear you, clearly. Are we the same as everyone else, i don’t think we are. Few can understand what we have experienced. Always stay true to yourself, be authentic, and always remember that sometimes caring and kindness are different.
I can safely say that most have no comprehension of what we experience, and we have to be true to our selves. That will be different from those we care about, or should care about us, I am different since my bleed, and I know that. For example, this weekend, my wife and her sister have gone to the annual “Short Sleeve Classic”. It is a curling bonspiel and slow pitch tourney in the heat of summer, love Canada! I didn’t attend this year with them, or participate. Needed a break, and needed some time alone. I had a decision to make, and it was clear. My wife, family and friends will have a great time. As much as I would love to be there right now, they respect my decision. They don’t understand it, but realize I am different than I was. We joke about it, they accept it, and I accept it. I don’t like not being the party guy, but we accept that is the way it is.True friends will realize that you “bumped” your head and realize the difference. John.
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I did something similar - but, it was more of a life change. I wasn’t doing exactly the most righteous things in my life. It all changed on a dime - all of that was cut off as soon as I came home.
90% of my acquaintances went out the door.
The true ones are still around. . . But, I admit that my personality has changed. And, it’s been a bit of a roller coaster dealing with it.
There are no right or wrong answers in this. None of us actually wanted our brains literally messed with.
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Sam, I have found myself often thinking like this and even more so recently. Despite my avm rupturing 4.5 years ago, i feel that i resonate even more so now the further out i am from that day. Everyone was always in my business asking how I was, and I felt like no one would ever understand and there was no one I could talk to. This was the first support group I found and joined and I felt as if i had a bunch of new friends that I could talk with about what we went through and what worked and didn’t work for them throughout recovery etc.
I turned 25 a couple weeks ago, and despite only hearing happy birthday from a very, very small number of friends it was by far the best birthday of my life, and I didn’t get much in the way of presents (lol). Every year from now on, will undoubtedly be the best birthday I’ve ever had. Why? You might ask… because I almost didn’t live to see my 21st birthday. I can confidently say that despite being a college athlete, I was an alcoholic. I rarely consume alcohol anymore, my priorities in life flipped basically upside down. I understand that some friends are busy and might not have time to reach out etc etc blah blah blah. But at the end of the day, aren’t we all busy?? How hard can it really be to reach out and check in on someone? I digress. You will keep making progress and moving forward and you will find joy and happiness and make some amazing new friends. I can’t say that I have made new friends yet myself, but as long as we take life one day at a time, what’s meant for us will surely come to fruition. Hope you have an amazing rest of your summer! 
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I can relate with you 100%. I used to be very social and outgoing but what I went through with my avm rupture, stroke and everything, I definitely changed the way I am socially. At first, I avoided going anywhere as much as I could, almost as if I was ashamed of my deficits and worried about how people would perceive me in public, I eventually got over that by accepting my new personality. It’s not always a bad thing hing to not want to be surrounded by people, things change rearrange and so you have to also. I wrote a book and my story and the strategies I used to overcome all the psychological pain I had to face after my AVM. Check it out, you might find something helpful in it for your situation:https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0228827450/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1689864946&sr=8-1
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Hi there. I feel for you and don’t think that makes you a bad person. Perhaps you’re a little less tolerant than you used to be, or maybe you’re just the sort of person who just doesn’t feel the need to put up with any **** from others. You have enough issues of your own after all. And if they can’t offer the support and companionship you need that’s fine. One thing I’ve learnt in my life is that friends come and go anyway. I used to think there was something wrong with me when friends stopped calling/messaging me and just ‘drifted away’. But nope, its just them. At the end of the day you are the one that matters and you have to concentrate on looking after you. In time you’ll make new friends, I’m sure. Good luck.
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Hi Sam,
One of the advantages of being an old fart (64) is that when I really do know something I can state it confidently-
You are not a bad person!!
Best wishes, Greg
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