You are definitely not alone. I have the same exact thoughts and feelings. I used to wish that I didn’t survive and had suicidal thoughts and felt hopeless. But it gets better with time. The best thing to do is keep yourself occupied with something, take a course online and learn something new and pick a hobby, something you enjoy and something to keep you busy. I started feeling better in taking my opportunity to still be alive to help others in any way I could. If you’re in rehab to improve your deficits caused by your hemmorage, take it very serious and do whatever is required to get better. You’ll see progress and slowly but surely. You’ll be in a good State. Both, physically and mentally. We are all here for you, you are not alone. You will be fine. The brain is an amazing thing. There are people who have half a brain that lead normal fully functional lives. You just gotta give it time and everything will be better.
Less than 1%. I think something like 14 people per million are diagnosed each year.
Your not alone Mate, for I feel those feelings every day my self, Believe in your self and try and think positive thoughts, do things that make You happy, watch the sun come up and go down for every day is a new beginning. thats what I try and tell myself It doesn’t always work but when it does I find the strength to keep moving forward,One step at a time,Your friend
Shea
Hang in there! It is part of the healing process. I too sometimes have bouts with depression, but then I remember that I survived for a reason!
You are definitely not alone. My sister went through major brain surgery for her DAVM right as the country shut down for quarantine. I was not able to fly out to help her and her young son was the only person in her household that was there to help with her recovery. Very scary times. She recovered amazingly fast (and still is) but she also suffers at times with depression. I am healthy, have a roof over my head and friends around that I can call but these crazy times have me falling into deep depression too. I can imagine how much harder it is on you. Keep up with your counseling, take walks with your dogs to get you out of the house and live one day at at time. It seems so very dark but you will get through this. It sounds like you are doing a lot of positive things to help yourself. Hang in there. It does - and WILL - get better.
You are not alone. I have had depression and anxiety for most of my life but right now after my AVM ruptured and surgery… i am at one of my lowest. It is good that you are seeing a therapist. Do the work to improve. I know for me, talking to my friends online and via video chat keeps me going. Doing all of this in the middle of this crazy world right now does not help. Reading inspiring stories from people who are further down the road helps. It is hard but you are loved and not alone. Even when we feel all alone… I come here or the AVM support on fb and remember I’m not.
You are definately not alone. I used to sleep so much to avoid the depression. I didnt want to be awake really and just hung on for years. I still have tendencies to want to quit sometimes even though my avm is gone now.
Id say watch the foods you eat, and especially watch out for negative influences. Especially tv. Picking and choosing different things to absorb. It really helps me. Hang in there.
I’m liking the fact that there are at least as many chaps saying “I go through this stuff” as there are ladies. It affects everyone or anyone and it’s good to talk about it.
Lots of love all,
Richard
You are not alone. It took a year and a half of telling people there was something wrong before my diagnosis. Now I suffer from Health Anxiety (always thinking the worst is wrong with me) and Social Anxiety/depression. I started to see a therapist and that is helping a little. I recently found this website and it’s also very helpful!
Hang in there! We are all with you!
Pam
Hello DogLover34
I agree with you that you should live for yourself and not other people. I have cried many times. I have survived 4 strokes.
Have you tried doing exercise? Or if you like music… dance or simply listen to the music you like and let go of all the sadness. Lately I´ve been listening to guided meditations on youtube. I hope this helps. If I can do anything for you please send me a message. God bless you
Hey @doglover34! Just to tack on to the responses you’ve already gotten, I suffered three bleeds 10 years apart. Needless to say it was not a happy time. I was left in the hospital by the girl I had previously asked for her hand in marriage a few weeks prior to bleed. I have lost vision in all but a sliver of the left eye. I’ve lost a number of things. But, I also want to say I have also over time, 1. got married to my best friend and we have 2 kids whom I adore also. I have been able to finish my education post-bleed. I have been able to buy a home, write, and spend time with the kiddos when otherwise I would be at work missing the lives of my family because of work. Now I’m not saying life is easy or even tolerable. I am saying I believe that the Lord has you and I here for a reason. He desires that we live our lives in such a way as others might see our love for others. And in this vein, we might find purpose, contentment, and satisfaction. Perhaps I’m being to forward, but you have a purpose and I’m grateful that you’re here! Plus, with a moniker like doglover, I know that you got that right!
Hey DogLover34,
I haven’t seen you in a bit, but for some reason this post popped up on my feed again. Want to hear something really strange?
I scrolled back up to the top and was kind of quick reading it and remembering some of it - and low and behold there was some stuff that this TJV127 or something like that wrote. And he didn’t seem too much like a ________________.
All joking aside, as I read what I wrote, I did actually find myself thinking,
“I forgot when I was feeling that way…”
“I should do that some more…”
“Maybe if the guy knew what he was talking about…”
"I can’t believe I actually said that, I don’t think I would dare say that to pretty much anyone other than “My Randy.”
So that got me thinking, I think I need to look inwards more and look outside less. When I look outside, I see projects that need to be done. When I open the window and listen, I hear the roar of the pick up truck down the street and the fact that he has to be at work at 6:30 in the morning.
When I look inward, I see what I’ve been, what I’m doing now, some amazing things that God has given me a chance to be a part of, some kids who have a life because of my small role in their lives. Sonia, Hope, RoseLaure, Danny…kids who have made a substantial part of the way through school and would not have lived to make it to 1st grade after the earthquake if it wasn’t for the people we were able to line up to help.
Nope, I’m not alone. Nope it’s okay if I feel like I’m alone. Nope, God’s got plans yet.
They are just different plans than we thought they would be.
TJ
I have been very swamped with life recently and have been meaning to get back on here but didn’t think about it until just now. I suffered a grand mal seizure on March 6th and am back on Kepra but I am feeling much better now. So much so that I didn’t even miss a day of work haha.
Hi! It’s good to hear from you again. I hope you’re doing ok: I know you said you’ve been swamped recently: are you getting out of the swamp or still a bit stuck in there?
We had a TV programme last night which was led by Roman Kemp, a successful radio DJ in the UK but he has quite a tough time with depression and then last summer (I think as coronavirus restrictions were lifting) his radio producer (and best mate) took his own life. The programme last night was about that event and the effect it had on Roman.
The main things I learned about struggling with suicide in particular were:
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Always try to have someone you can talk to about how you are
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Consider constructing a “Safety Plan”: a structured plan of things you can go through that will help you to get back in control. An important part of that plan is to write down (when you’re having a good day rather than a bad day) at least one person you know you can talk to when things are bad.
So, I’m hoping you’re doing ok but I thought I’d share that thing. I found a Safety Plan similar to the one on TV here.
Hope you never need it but I hope also that if you’re having difficult times that it might be a resource that helps.
Very best wishes,
Richard
How’s it going today?
I’m doing a little better today. I really need to check this site a lot more frequently because everyone offers such great advice and I know that all of you have (to some degree) gone through the same exact experiences as myself and while I would never wish these experiences on my worst enemy, it makes me feel so much better that I’m not alone. I grew up my whole life feeling alone, because I have a birth mark about the size of a quarter on my left jaw and always felt like the odd kid out because I would get picked on and stared at. Now that I’m almost 23 I have learned not to care as much about this, but I had felt even more alienated after all of my medical emergencies in addition to getting stared at. And then I had to wear this big helmet for 6 months and would get stared at even more! But having found this group has helped me tenfold and I am so, so grateful that someone made this site because it has helped me more than I can begin to explain. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
If it’s any help, I got picked on for having sticky-out ears. Other people get picked on for wearing glasses or being a bit geeky or they’ve got a motor problem or… actually… just anything. I’m sure some people get picked on for being “NORMAL” 
If you’re lucky, you leave all of that sort of rubbish behind at high school. Normal, decent adults don’t do that sort of thing.
Good to hear from you and good that you’re doing ok. Whenever you need a chat, you know we are here.
Richard
I can’t relate at all. I was always and still am the coolest kid I know. Not everyone gets to wear an eyepatch and walk like a pirate.
I do really feel your pain as many of us do suffer mental illness & I still juggle it till this very day… the best advice I can give is to please seek help & see a professional about your mental health… as you stated it’s real & is really an issue medically so why we don’t go to the doctor about it is beyond me considering any other illnesses we are quick to visit a doctor… mental illness should be no different… sending prayers your way… God bless!
Jeremy, How long have you had this problem with untruthfulness? LOL
TJ