Brain AVM and personality change

well, I am finally on here again, so busy been work and trying to figure things out.

So my fiance had his first angiogram, and I guess it went well. The AVM is low risk and there are no bleeds, but there is some scar tissue close to it ( probably from years of football )

So he has to go for his follow up and then they will go from there, they saud something about putting a shunt in his head, I don't think that is a good idea at all, I don't knopw why, but just a gut feeling.

The thing I want to really know is about personality change, is anyone else going through this?

I have been with my beau for 13 years, finally at 32 years old we got engaged ( actually 2 months ago )

but it feels like ever since this AVM was discovered he is repulsed by me and evrything I do. He is never wants to be around me, or even talk to me...I feel like he gets irritated with everything I say or do. This is so DIFFERENT from what I am used to ( prior to AVM discovery). This really saddens me. Everytime someone asks about our future wedding I just shrug my shoulders and shake my head. He doesn't even want me to mention a wedding date. I always seem to be holding back work, with my family and friends, and even when I am alone. I have tried everything and have done so much for him, I would bend over backwards for him, but the same feeling arises....I feel like he hates me or something.

HE tells me I don't know how to communicate with him, but he gets so short with me...he walks away, drives away and when I come home from work he leaves.

He doesnt like to talk to me about his AVM, I feel isolated from the situation.

If this is not normal for AVM patients, then I guess my future looks pretty bleak. The saddest thing is I never have loved anyone like him, nor do I want to love anyone else....this AVM is not bleeding in his brain, but as cheesy as it sounds, it is bleeding in my heart.

Don’t give up.It sounds like your boyfriend might need some help.We can have personality changes,but we love our love one’s near us,I did.Ya’ll might want to check out a in group support group in your area.Be sure it’s a brain injury group.Most hospitals have them.That might help you both.Good luck.

I get so irritated and angry with people now, much faster than I used to. I think they don’t understand me, but I also think maybe I don’t understand them. I am better at writing out my thoughts than having to think quickly about them because the words get tongue tied or come out wrong or I say the wrong things so then I think maybe I just shouldn’t say anything at all. But that doesn’t work either, it’s extremely frustrating!! Maybe he’s just frustrated and doesn’t know what’s up or down any more, maybe all the things he thought were right are all looking to him now to be totally the opposite. Just try to hang in there for him, knowing that you are there for him is probably the best thing to get him through this!!

Thanks guys. I totally understand how frustrating it is, well, I don't have the AVM, but it feels like it sometimes. I even have sympathy headaches! But this week was much better. I took some time to myself, thank goodness for moms that live close by! And when I had my mental "break" things seemed MUCH better!

AVM is crazy, but love is stronger and I really appreciate all of you and the support you offer!

Thank you.


I can’t give you any advice because I don’t have a magic solution, but I can tell you my perspective. Since my surgeries, I am hyper-sensitive in most of my senses. Some things that really bother me are bright lights, certain sounds (they vary in loudness, tone, and repetition) and certain feelings (I can’t stand feeling air from a fan on my skin). Your fiancee may not be aware of his heightened sensitivity yet. I had a student with sever environmental sensitivity and found this book to be helpful:TOO LOUD, TOO BRIGHT, TOO FAST, TOO TIGHT. You would be amazed at some of the things you learn. Encourage him to read it too and then have a long talk with him.

Every one is different. All I can say is my experience is similar to Nicole. Frustration and anger are easier and quicker than before. Talking is difficult. It was nearly 18 years after the surgery that I started asking for help from doctors and stuff. Then, I found out I also had ADHD and that it could happen because of the AVM or after the surgery. My wife and I are still adjusting to this one. One step at a time.