But you don't look ill

How many times have you heard that?!

With me it all came to a head a couple of weeks ago. I was at home on a Wednesday evening, when I got a splitter of a headache. I phoned my wife at work to ask her to come home (mistake).

The next time that she went to work, there were all sorts of comments being made about the fact that we had dared to go to one of her works do’s on the Saturday night. Now bear in mind that we arrived at 7.30 and left at 10.00 and I was on Shandy.

Her boss pulled her into the office and started to tear into her for 10 mins saying that we had faked my illness so that she could leave work earlier.

The next day that she worked, one of her ‘workmates’ asked her if she had got my letters from my hospital to prove that I was ill. As you can imagine, I hit the roof. Now my wifes boss had not even asked for this information, but certain people had to stir it up.

I offered to get all my notes from the hospital to show everyone once and for all that I am ill. Once this was offered the matter was dropped. Strange that!!

I am really annoyed that this one person has been so awful about my AVM. If it was cancer, then nothing would have been said!

Now, if I dare to be ill on a work night, it will always be in the back of my mind that my long suffering wife (she has to wash my socks!!) will be victimised for coming home early.

This is not a small company either, its a international company with plants all over the world, whereas my boss (4 employees) has been great about everything (including threatening to sack me if I went back to work to early again!).

So, how many times have you heard those immortal lines??

Ben I have gotten this since I was diagnosed a long time ago and I still get it today. It is very frustrating and for her boss to accuse is soooooo wrong. I was lucky as far as my work went (when I worked) because I worked in the medical field (business manager) and they knew what an AVM is. Outside of this though I get alot of advise on how to cure headaches/migraines, seizures, vertigo, etc but what they don’t understand is I have to fix the AVM (they don’t know what an AVM is). I stopped trying to explain.

Lee Ann

OMG how cheeky is that, is your wife a manager or something in her workplace, maybe this person is trying to score points SAD BA***RD!
I was at my work today and they kept asking when i was coming back even though the doc has today just given me another 8 week line off work and prescribed me fluoxetine (i went into meltdown) btu i look ok so must be nada wrong with me, I work for HSBC and they are really starting to hound me now Grrr

Think we need to get the AVM t-shirts out again lol


My wife is not a manager, just a line worker and so is this other woman!!! The trouble is that se went back on a different shift after Kenzie was born, so all her friends are on a different shift. All those she new before know about me, but the others don’t.

With regards to your problem, get hold of all your notes (contact your consultant to get these) copy them and them put them on the HR managers desk, with a note on it ‘For your perusal’. This will get them off your back, as they will not understand it!!

Other than that, take any letters that you have from your employer and go to the CAB. They will then be able to help.


Sounds like your wife needs to discuss the matter with her Human Resources department (or whatever your equivalent is over there.) In the states your spouse would be protected by the Family Medical Leave Act- she could take off for up to 3 months and be guaranteed a place to return to. Not sure if you have that in the UK. You’d be eligible for this, too. Now, not everyone can do this because you don’t get paid during that time, but its also an inconvenience to the boss. I’d ask him which he preferred- going home early occasionally or being out for 3 months straight?

I was fortunate, i had a boss who cared & went out of his way to help. In fact, he was annoyed because he thought I came back to work too soon.

My boss wasn’t the problem, as I said he threatned to sack me for returning to work to early after my last angiogram!!

My wifes (Jo) boss seems to accept the whole situation (now he’s read about it on a Facebook page) but this one woman has caused a major problem by saying things that aren’t true and poking her nose in where it is not needed, warranted or required!!

I said on facebook (which I belive she can read) that all people have to do is ask, and my wife also invited loads of her workmates to join the ‘Brain AVM’ page, again on Facebook, which her boss did.