When I research AVM's/read stories/learn of my avm and what I faced with removal/think or talk about it alot...I just get anxiety/sick to stomach, all weirded out feelings. I am not quite 3 weeks post op/ is this why?
I had the exact same thing after my first op. That horrible feeling even thinking about it, or if anyone asked. I think inside I just wanted to move on and forget about it. As time passes it gets easier to talk/think about Patrice, it’s such a big thing to go through.
Dear Patrice!
You MADE IT!!! You got through the worst! Chin up now!It is easy to keep researching because AVM is so fascinating and unknown to most.Anxiety is normal too, because the whole business is scary, but YOU MADE IT!!!
Give yourself some time. I was in the hospital for 43 days. Had to learn to walk again and build my strength.Took me two years to get myself back in order, and I had to retire a little early from teaching, a job I loved for 38 years, but I MADE IT!!
All the best to you! Keep thinking positive thoughts, and enjoy this gift os life every day!
Donna
Patrice...We have been the hardest thing and you made it! Most brain AVM'rs will say they had the same experience as you are having. Best thing to do? Stay Strong & Positive!
Takes a while to move on i had counselling for a few months helped me a little I am alot better now 2 years on though. If you suffer alot from aniexty etc as good as these websites can be i suggest leave them well alone there are things i dont think about or suffer then you read about them on here then start worrying it could happen to you. If you are a genuine worrier leave the internet alone best advice and think i am cured job done move on.
All the best
You've been through a traumatic experience and it takes time to process everything. I've been diagnosed with PTSD. And what makes it more difficult is that if you try to talk to most people about AVMs you usually just get a blank stare because they never heard of it and don't understand. Sometimes time helps, sometimes medicine for anxiety and depression helps and sometimes talking with a counselor who specializes in trauma helps. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings and a time to grieve the suffering. When you're ready you can re-frame the experience as one where you are a conquerer, survivor and a victor in the battle against AVM.
I understand completely. I had one side of my family who accused me of being a drama queen when I tried to write about being afraid for my future. With family like that, who really needs enemies right? I'm glad you're here. I don't know enough to speak to your specific avm. I'm hanging around waiting to see if mine changes in 6 months because I'm 50 and my health is very poor and my doctors are afraid that because my kidney function isn't great anyway, the dye used for the radiology study could shut my kidneys down. I'm in a holding pattern for now. I'm glad you made it.
Patrice, I completely understand how you feel. The idea of having brain surgery is definitely scary. I had seven brain surgeries in Miami and that was hard but I made it. Then less than two years later I had to have two more brain surgeries and the second round of surgeries was a lot harder because that time I knew what was coming. The first time I didn’t know what had happened to me. I was unconscious so nobody could tell me the first time when the first anuerysm ruptured. But I agree with Happy Me. You made it!! The worst is over with!! Now go count your blessings and be Thankful to The Lord above all. Consider yourself blessed and very lucky. What we have can be fixed. My son in law has stage IV pancreatic cancer and cannot be fixed. His time here on earth is limited and ours is not. He is such an incredible inspiration to me because no matter what he never complains and no matter what he is thankful for every day, no matter how much pain he’s in.
Count your lucky stars and know how blessed you are. No matter what, things could always be worse. Someone is always worse off than you are because you have a chance. My son in law doesnt. The last two years has been extremely hard for our family because we both got sick at the same time. Embrace the good things in life and be grateful to our Heavenly Father. God Bless you and may you have a speedy recovery. Keep the faith! 
-Monica
I understand your feelings.
I want to share a story from today, which made me feel better.
I am still on post-op sick-leave. I work in a kindergarten. I went to visit there today. As my AVM was on face, the kids saw the difference. And there is a sort of a band-aid type of thing on the wound/scar at the moment. I told the kids, what happened and why I am not at work.
About an hour after the talk suddenly a boy came to me with a toy-cup and a plastic orange stuffed in it. He gave me the cup and said that I had to drink it. He said that it was a magic potion, which would make me all better here [and then he pointed in the spot, where my AVM was].
The kid with all his sincerity just made a big change for the better for me.
You made it! Now you just need that magic potion to make it all better :)
Where was your AVM located? Sometimes that can affect your emotions. I am 26 years past my bleed and craniotomy. For almost everyone…things do improve. I am convinced the 4Ps are the key to recovery…Positivity, Persistence, Prayers, and most importantly…PERSISTENCE!!
I think what you're going through is totally normal. My AVM rupture was nearly 4 years ago now but now and when I read something on here that triggers those memories or I run into a deficit I got because of it that's bugging me - those memories start to haunt me. It's gotten easier over time but it's still there. My docs told me that it's pretty common for those with Traumatic brain injuries of any type (and they consider an AVM rupture in that category) for the person to have some post op anxiety or even some emotional overwhelm or issues because of the damage and rerouting. I'm still on a mood stabilizer for brain patients - Lamictal - and have Klonopin for anxiety. I HATE having to take meds, but Lamictal doubles as anti seizure just to be safe that I don't have any with all the dead tissue still up there, so I'll take them...
Best of luck. Hang in there and be patient with yourself. You went through something pretty traumatic and those are all pretty normal feelings to have after something like this. But the good news is that it really does fade a bit with time...
Thank you everyone who has commented with positive thoughts/wishes. Although I am not a pity party person, I feel sad more than glad right now. Of course I know/feel I am blessed with my outcome/limited loss of use of arm (getting better), know many others struggle more than I. I keep saying it is only temporary, I am a strong woman, and will overcome in time. Hugs to everyone here on this wonderful support site that is of great comfort to me at this time.
Hi Patrice, everything you’ve said makes sense and is completely normal - my husband was the same. You’re still dealing with the physical recovery, give yourself time, space and energy to focus on that. The emotional recovery will inevitably follow and takes time and a lot of self-love. Be kind and patient with yourself, things will get easier and the anxiety you feel will lessen. Promise. Keep talking with those around you and just take each day at a time. You are a strong woman - and you will only get stronger through this. Sending lots of love and healing thoughts .x.x.x.
Patrice-
to have anxiety is normal i have had those feeling's on/off for over ten yrs. Thing's get better over the passing years. Your lucky to have found out before anything major happened like take me for example I had a major stroke and THEY tell me one of lucky one's that lived. I spent 3 month's in 3 different hospital's now I find telling you difficult, but this to shall pass!! I lost use of the right side of my body and deaf in the left ear, they closed my left eye too, And last but least I'm wheelchair bound.
I share this with because your not alone & don't worry this to shall pass. best wishes Amy
Patrice, I think you have the right attitude. You will get better! For me, I found I needed extra sleep. - I think this is the only way the brain rests enough to heal quickly. So don't do too much to early.
Best of luck and keep looking forward..
Hi Patrice there was no information apart from verybasic stuff given to me 35 years ago when i was 18 and nowhere to find much out apart from medical books. No contact with others with avm or bleeds as i was a lucky survivor back then. I often wonder if the amount we know now makes it worse in a way. I went back home and apart from followup by a dr didnt do much but avoid heavy lifting as suggested to me. I had an active avm then for another 20 years b4 stereotactic radiosurgery finally got rid of it. U willworry but this site always makes me see the positives and how fortunate i am. Its early days. You will be fine. Good luck and dont let it get u down.
I think it’s normal to experience anxiety. It’s not only the feeling of realizing our own mortality, which is EXTREMELY scary, it’s also the brain racing to adapt to being physically altered.
Every time I have a bleed or procedure I feel that way times 20.
The every day anxiety for 10+ years is bad enough, but I notice it is worse after a bleed or embolization or even radiation.
Something has to happen to the body after the brain has been changed and, for me, I think anxiety is normal. It’s part of the body’s “fight or flight” mechanism.
It doesn’t mean we’re weak. It means we’re strong enough to make it through, even if our bodies seem to tell us different for a little while.
The information (that wasn’t there 10 years ago, and changes regularly) being dumped on you while your brain is already healing, and your mind is attempting to cope, is A LOT to deal with.
For now just get better and only deal with information as necessary.
You made it.
You have plenty of time to catch up.
Getting your blood pressure up won’t help things, trust me I know.
I’m notorious for it.
Patrice I'll just echo the others and say that everything you are feeling is "normal" considering what happened to you was definitely not! Anxiety is a big problem for me. I have a prescription that I take when I'm having an acute anxiety attack (Xanax is a wonderful thing). Give yourself time to recover. Don't be too hard on yourself. This is a wonderful group of people who understand what you're going through, isn't it? I'm glad you're here.
Hi, my name is Marlene and I too experience anxiety. My Dr. Prescribed a small dose of medication to help me with the anxiety. It’s hard to describe to someone until they are in the same boat. I use breathing exercises that have been helpful or try taking a walk if you are able and try and focus on pleasant things. I wish you well and hope this helps you. Wishing you the best. Marlene
Great advise, Marlene!