Sadly, I moved home with my parents at 42, after my bleed. And they censor every decision I make, from hairstyle(not many choices there after having a head shaved! To what I eat and drink, who I date, and now my favorite; where I spend my disability money!!! I can empathize that they put lives on hold to take in me and 4 of my minor aged children! But I lived indepedantly for 20 years, a discussion on the priciness of Tampax as compared to pads is NOT the kind of crap I need at this point! Short of moving to a homeless shelter! Any suggestions?
cheers,
N.
My only suggestion is for you to go to a family counselor, tell him/her of your concerns and what you would like to see, then have the counselor invite your parents in to lead a discussion about the subject. That can make the counselor the "bad guy", but still hopefully allow you some more control over your life.
For a responsible adult all of a sudden to be stripped of authority over EVERYTHING is pretty drastic.
Besides, for you to 'get better' you have to be allowed to make more and more of your own decisions, which your folks should welcome........
Of course, they might nix the whole concept, who knows.
Hope this helps.
Ron, KS
Tell them how you feel and then let them do the same thing. I certainly do not know all the circumstances, but it sounds like the love is there. Let us know how it goes.
Hi Nicole - I can relate somewhat - I'm 42, too, and I'm technically just visiting my parents, but it's been months now. We only differ on small things like religion, politics...and probably sex, for good measure. If "All In The Family" went modern, that would be close, I think.
And you are very, very correct about the over-abundance of frustration - or, wait, is that just me saying and feeling that?
Answers or advice? I have none; but know that you are not alone in this peculiar struggle. Keep in mind, this struggle is just temporary and remember to laugh at all things, even the things that make absolutely no sense whatsoever.
If you have an income from disability, is it enough money to live on in your own home? In my area there are programs that help with housing and utility expenses for those on disability. I'm sure your parents want to be helpful but maybe they could be helpful to you in your own residence and it would be easier than living with them for all of you. It's very hard to be an independent adult and then be forced baack into a child-parent relationship because of illness but this too will pass.
Nicole, I understand your frustration. I was 38 when I had my bleed. When I first came home my husband would often treat me like a child, I think mostly because I seemed like one for so long when I was in the hospital. Over time when I started getting better and better he eased up a bit. There are still times when he reverts back to it but he means well. Sometimes I just need to remind him that I'm not a child. He's just trying to help, which I suspect is the case with your family. Try to help them understand that just because you need help right now doesn't mean they need to run your life. Letting you make your own decisions and make your own mistakes it helps you get better too. Good luck!
Hi Nicole,
That sounds sooo frustrating! I can imagine you're grateful for help but nobody wants to be treated like a child, esp. a mom.
It may be true what someone else said that you can get into a low-income housing apartment with disability. If you live in a smaller community you might have more luck calling or going down to the local Section 8/HUD office & just asking for help navigating the paperwork.
You should be eligible for therapy too, which, of course doesn't solve your problem but a good therapist could help you figure out how to you can get through to your family more effectively.
In the mean time have you tried to have a sit down with your parents and tell them that you can't handle talking about so many things at once. It takes you longer & so you get overwhelmed with so much info. Tell them that it's important that you are making your own personal decisions. If you frame it like it's part of your recovery instead of what annoys you maybe it'll be heard more clearly?
Good luck.
I hope it gets better.
~gaahla
Nicole, I like Ron's idea. Perhaps if you go to family therapy your parents will start to back off somewhat. I understand that they have done so much in your time of need, so perhaps a therapist is a great chose now that you are better and they need to understand that. Hang in there!
I would talk to them about how you feel. You moving in with the surely has changed their life a lot as well so you both need to work with each other to make it a peaceful situation. Neither your parents, you or your children need conflict. Have a family meeting and work it. The entire family has to be patient, supportive and understanding. I wish you best of luck!
I know exactly what you mean! They mean well but don;t realize that they are stripping you of what independence you may have left. I ended up moving to a subsidized building were I could gain back my independance. It was not advised by my parent or my doc but I had to or else...it was necessary for all of us. I have physical issues but I can pretty much do everything myself except transport my groceries. I also have four children with the youngest just graduating from high school. there is help out there for you to help you with your independence as well. I am 47 and I do understand.