There hasn't been a new discussion in a few days and I'm addicted to this site for some strange reason, so I'm starting a random discussion:)
Members on this site always talk about the various changes they experience after the discovery of their avm no matter how it was discovered, whether it bled or not. Members always talk about how the avm affected their lives after treatment, whether it was removed or not. So let me ask this:
How do you think the avm affected your life before its discovery? Mine was on the right side. In high school I was mildly artistic (though I thought I had real talent). I wrote pathetic, crappy, horrible poetry. I could sketch in charcoal. I spent two years painting murals. I could paint with acrylic, water color, oil or just regular wall paint. I could draw pretty decent but my best has always been shading with Prisma color pencils:) But the best part was my strange ability to see a "blooper" in something plain and turn it into something else. Like seeing a water stain on the ceiling and drawing it into a skull. Or seeing the lava in a lava lamp begin to melt back down and drawing it into a wizard holding a crystal ball.
I used to dream A LOT. I literally dreamt (Google Chrome says dreamt isn't a word LOL) every night.
Now, I have none of that. I can't focus long enough to write a crappy poem (not that I'd want to). I barely dream, something I loved. I only have nightmares about things that are real, like losing someone I love; I miss the zombies and aliens and apocalyptic "nightmares" that used to fascinate me.
I can draw still but not without frustration and that takes all the joy out of the imagination I adored and was in love with. I don't see a peacock in a misplaced crack in the wall anymore....it's just a crack now:(
My AVM, before it was discovered, affected me in that I somehow always knew I was different. I’ve always been very intuitive in that I can read other people. I don’t like doing it but I can’t turn it off. Its scary when I’m talking with a doctor because sometimes it is better Not to know what the doctor is thinking. I’ve always had vivid dreams and enjoyed analyzing my dreams. Sometimes my dreams are premonitions but, unfortunately, I cant differentiate a normal dream from a premonition until it comes true. After the bleed and stroke I stopped dreaming all together. Every night I would say I hope I dream tonight. Every morning I would wake up with nothing. I think I didn’t dream because my brain was damaged. After watching a scary movie, It provoked a nightmare. My husband said I yelled in my sleep. I was so excited because I was dreaming. I’ve dreamed ever since that day. I hope you can dream again.
My son has always been a little forgetful, he was constantly getting in trouble at school for forgetting to do things. We had to remind him of things at home all the time. Now that we found out about his avm, I wonder if that had anything to do with it.
I am also addicted to this site…lol. I saw it before my sons surgery but was too afraid of what I might read on here that would make me even more terrified, but now that it is gone, I am so curious about avms. My son just wants to forget about it, but I want to know everything I can about it.
I've been waiting for a dream, Wendy. I have nightmares but no dreams. I never thought my dreams were premonitions of anything but I used to get a lot of de ja vu so I made a point to tell people (my mom and then my husband when we got an apartment together) about any dreams that just seemed "off" to me. There's only been a few instances where people have said, "I remember you telling me something similar to this." But I don't recall much more than that ever happening.
Steph, my mom had the same issues with me as a kid. I'd forget the simplest things but would remember useless things like how a room was situated during a specific event or time. I'd get into arguments with people because of something silly like, "No, I remember specifically -blah, blah - because the couch was on the left wall." Just weird stuff.
I don't blame your son for wanting to forget...I want to forget but yet I am constantly asking my husband for details or confirmation that certain things happened during the time between my stroke and last hospital discharge. I knew of this site since before my crani in May 2011 but didn't join until afterward. Like you, I didn't want to know the finer details until it was over with. I was too afraid of what I would read. But I am glad I am a member now:)