Surgery.. yet again

Well, I am about a week and a half away from my seventh… (or eighth) embolization on my avm in my left foot. The last embolization was different from the rest, as they direct punctured the avm instead of using a feeding catheter through my femoral artery. I responded so well, that he is hoping the same thing happens for the area he would like to treat in my heel. My heel pain has intensified greatly over the last few months, and I feel as though my life has been yet again taken over by this mass. I have my days, some better than others. But, everyone is putting a great amount of faith into this procedure. My loved ones, my coworkers, even me. How I respond to this treatment also dictates how I will proceed in school, work, and ultimately my future goals. So, with the time ticking closer, I realized I have completely vanquished my fears of needles, anesthetic, and pharmaceuticals and replaced it with a fear of failure. I have put so much hope into these embolizations and I am afraid of letting everyone else down if it fails. I know they are rooting for me, and only want the best. But I know if this pain and growth continues as it is I will have to make a lot of changes to my life that impact a number of people. The nerves have multiplied, and I’m hoping someone has a few wise words or good tricks to help me distract myself until surgery time!

I’m not well known for wise words but will be wishing you the best during the next procedure! I don’t have any experience wit the extremity AVMs as mine was brain, but it has become apparent to me that they are very difficult to deal with an admire your strength. Keep at it! Take Care, John.

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Good luck!

A couple of thoughts from me…

  1. You’re not going to be letting anyone down if the procedure doesn’t do what you hope. It’s got nothing to do with your approach or attitude or anything you’re doing. If it doesn’t work and you are all completely distraught, it is only that you are all hoping for the same thing because you’re all on the same side.

  2. I found thinking about my brain AVM in the weeks running up to my embolisation, and the pain and difficulty it was giving me was a little resolved by having a project to do. Something you’re really interested in, that can engage your mind.

In my case, I am a software engineer who has never been very successful with electronics, so I decided to set myself an electronics project to do. I ordered the components, got excited when they came through the post, and challenged my brain as to how I was going to make a digital clock from first principles. But that’s me. Choose something you enjoy, something you can do, something that you’ll get excited about making or doing and something that needs you to think or plan a bit… keep your mind busy.

Hope some of these thoughts help,

Very best wishes


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