Warning : talk of self harm / suicide topics. My story so far

General
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I am 20 years old and a doctor recently discovered an avm in my left temporal lobe. For an estimated 7 years I’ve been having episodes where I would lose vision in both eyes for about 30 seconds and always thought I was going to lose my vision permanently. A year ago I got glasses to be able to drive more comfortably and I brought this up to the eye doctor and she said it was migraines and should go away with my glasses. They did calm down a lot but I think it’s cause I wasn’t as scared anymore with just the occasional episode at work. And then me and my fiancé got into a huge fight and I was homeless for a little over a month I believe. I made a suicide attempt and heard my late dads voice say that he loves me ( I was living out of his truck that I took ownership of when he passed and had his ashes on the dashboard at the time ) so I drove myself to the hospital they took me to a room at 3:00 am and I was talking to a nice pregnant nurse and then I slipped into a coma. I had a couple moments where I’d be conscious for a second or two and my family was there. Apparently when I woke up I was aggressive and mean but when I was myself again I saw my fiancé standing there by my side she was there the whole time. We spent the whole day together talking I don’t think I even realized there was a tv in there until one of the sitters who was amazing turned it on the last night I was there. On the second day the doctor told me about my avm and apparently he told me the first day I woke up but I have no recollection of being awake. At first I was scared of getting put to sleep for a surgery but I didn’t understand what was wrong with me I just knew they wanted to do imaging and we tried to get it done while we were there but because of the circumstances that put me there they put my mental health first. They sent me to an inpatient mental hospital It was horrible for me because I don’t want to be medicated I want to feel the emotions that I need to and waking up from the coma emotions were so intense it felt like something new to me. I checked myself out of the mental hospital and my fiancé picked me up and took me to her place which is her parents garage at the moment under the impression that I could stay for a couple days and have to move in to sleep on my moms boyfriends couch. A week passed and she begged for me to be able to stay and for some reason they said yes. It’s been some time now and without health insurance I’ve only been able to go to the first follow up and am yet to schedule the angiogram but I’m working and my mom got married to her boyfriend so he can put me on his insurance. The thing that sucks the most about it right now is we’ve been given a deadline to move out and I’m not allowed to stay here while I recover but I truly believe I need to have this surgery as soon as possible but I need to save up money for the surgery and a shitty apartment and a couple months rent just to be safe and we have 2 months to save all that up.

I don’t know why I felt such a strong need to share but I had a panic attack the other day and realized if I don’t process it I’m gonna be so depressed when recovery takes longer than I’m hoping

If you read this far thank you

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Welcome Robocop! You certainly have a lot going on. Any one of those pieces is hard enough to deal with, but trying to deal with them all the same time is very challenging, and especially at your age.

I would encourage you to take control over the things that you were able to control, and do your best with everything else. The mental health piece just adds on more challenges for you, which is definitely not what you needed but it’s just the reality.

I hope that getting on insurance will help change your situation for the better

Sharon from Modsupport

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I hate to use the common line of the fact its great you found us, too bad you had a reason to look! You sure had a lot happening all at once, let alone finding out about an AVM. Hopefully the insurance part helps, and it is one step at a time for sure. The angiogram is certainly important to have done when possible. That will allow you to consider next steps.

I had a left temporal AVM that bled it 2016. Prior to that I had no idea I had an AVM, and in fact had never heard of an AVM. It is certainly scary, and the advice to control what we can control and manage the rest as best as possible are great words. Take care, and don’t be afraid to lean on us here. We have an amazing group who have a lot of varied experiences in this AVM world. John.

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Hey, @Robocop

You’ve got a ton going on, ok? A ton. Life doesn’t normally come along in big stuff like this, so it is perfectly normal to be overwhelmed by it all. To be twenty and doing this stuff is basically unfair. You are not alone.

I discovered my AVM when I was about fifty and honestly, it shook my self-belief incredibly, so I can’t really imagine what it does to those of you who are half that age. It is normal to be v blown apart by this stuff. It is.

Whatever you feel you need to ask about, just ask. All of the brain AVM patients here have been through similar stuff, so we can relate to anything you might be facing or bothered about. So just ask. That need to share is a great need because the only way we can help you even a step or two along the way is by you letting us know what’s going on and we can reflect on how we dealt with similar things ourselves. So please feel completely free to ask or share about what’s going on. It’s what we’re here for.

Very best wishes,

Richard

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There’s definitely a lot going on in your life and it can be difficult at times… I would definitely consider seeking professional help from someone you can talk to regularly about these concerns and help manage these concerns… wishing you all the best and we are happy for you to vent here if that helps ease the stress any time… God bless!