What to do when a friend is no longer a truefriend?


I thought some of you may be able to help out with this one. A friend lives in another town. I’ve always made the effort to see this person, combining it with a nice day trip. She has never visited me and, on being asked has said she ‘won’t.’ ! Maybe my brain is slow at picking something up? Ha! Ha! It is easier for her to travel as she has access to a car and, of course, no head injury. Ha! Ha! Anyways I’m thinking of ‘cutting her out’ and just not bothering anymore as it has all been one way. I don’t want to tell her this, well, I kind of do in a ‘screw you’ kind of way, but hey, my pride is intact. I know some people can only ‘give’ so much, and in her case, it’s a coffee every 3 months or so, which is fine by me, but I always have to instigate it, occassional e-mails and Xmas cards. But I’m beginning to think 'why do I bother?" & maybe just relegate her to the ‘unreliable acquaintance’ pile.
cheers all

You gotta do what you gotta do…

To me, life’s too short to waste time on a “half-way friend”. And also too short to waste my breath suggesting the friend do what’s anatomically impossible for we humans.

I’d focus on the real friends. Maybe she will come around, and that’s ok. Lots of people don’t know what to say or how to react when you mention AVM–like maybe it’s a contagious cancer or something. Or maybe she’s afraid she will say the wrong thing.

Best wishes,
Ron, KS

agree with Ron, and flower I think you already have the answer - SCREW it :slight_smile: I did, i lost a many friends over my avm, and hey it might of been because they didnt know what to say, but in the end, the true ones will always be there for you even when they dont know what to say! x

I think that a lot of people learn pretty quickly when health issue happen who their true friends are. The people that you can really rely on are going to stick around - the people in it that, for whatever reason, don’t have it in them to give support at that time will fade away pretty quickly.

If it’s really bothering you, you can try to tell them how you feel. It depends on how you value the friendship and how much effort you want to put into seeing if you can get it going on a good path again. It may be easier to just accept that this friend can’t give you what you need right now and, as others have said, put your energy into the relationships that are more consistently supportive and attentive.

It’s always hard to deal with when your friends do a disappearing act like that, though. Find someone to talk through the feelings with. Take care. :slight_smile:

Hay Flower,
screw her, you don’t need someone like that, if she want’s you for a fiend she will come to you, if not she does not sound like a big loss.
Just stop arranging any meets and leave it up to her,if you hear from her you do, if you don’t well her loss.

Stay strong and take care

Doesn’t sound like a friend to me, time to say goodbye to that one and move on, you have enough going on in your life without worrying about making that friendship work as she clearly doesn’t care enough about you xx

Hi Flower,
I agree with everyone else. It shouldn’t be so hard to keep a friendship going and certainly should never be one-sided. Even if she can’t meet up with you as often as you would like, she could keep up with e-mails and phone calls. You are worth much better than that, so surround yourself with friends who value you.

You deserve better friends, I think you should do what your heart tells you!

Hi flower,

I agree with everyone else, but I know it can be hard to let go of a friendship. I feel you instincts are right to put her in your “unreliable acquaintance” pile. Either she will contact you if you stop contacting her, or you move on and find other caring and supportive people to replace her. As I have been told often, “sometimes you have to close one door to open another.”

Take care,

Me. I had to wipe them clean out of my life. Because they did already move on. Plus what it does to me thinking about them and why and what if. Hell no. I don’t have any friends. They all said they couldn’t see me like that. FU. that’s what I think. But we r all different humans. And different things affect us differently. Losing my friends was one of the hardest. But worrying keeps me sad. I’m sick. Who in the hell leaves their friend during the worst thing ever?? I made all of u wonderful people. U changed my life. I can change yours also. Like by being supportive!!! Never leaving ur side. Ever. No matter what. Much love! Super Jen

Hi Flower - No doubt, in questioning times, some people just flat-out suck as their true colors shine through - not very flattering, sometimes =).

The good news, you have no control over what or how they act; however, you have unlimited power over how you act or react...my two cents...take the high road, cut your losses, and try to surround yourself with a give-and-take maybe new people or a new life, really, that will support what you need and want.

I just heard this weekend that if your heart breaks, it just means that it will expand - keep your head up.

I agree with Superjenlynn - I definitely wouldn't have "met" anyone here if it weren't for my AVM experience - and I am very grateful for that...there's a lesson to be learned with any experience, and most times we have to go through the painful and yucky part first...pretty much everyone here understands, especially the vomit parts.

A contagious cancer? Ahhh! Panic in the disco!

I totally agree...I think that a lot of assumptions are made where ignorance runs wild.

Deb - I heard once that when one door shuts, you have to build another door to knock on or possibly break a window =).

Flower - Hopefully, any of the "scars" that you get from this experience are seen and received as a gift and that you accentuate them to the fullest.