I wasnt sure where to put this. I really feel i needed to share. I had my craineotomy in dec on the 9th 2021. So its been close to a year. It was really hard on my husband. He had to learn how to wash, fold, dishes, dishwasher, vaccum. Everything really. He never did it before my stroke. June 16th would have been 50 years of married life together. He died on november 1st, suddenly, in our home, of a massive heart attack. Im honestly still in shock. I feel so sad that he died. I always asked him what if im not like i used to be ever! He said itll be ok. We will take it as it comes. He was not a happy man. I wonder if my stroke was too hard on him. He gave up trying after he retired 5 yrs ago. Im really sad. Im so thankful i had my stroke when i did because he really helped me to recover so much. He just let me sleep and rest. Rest in peace my husband. Loves 
@Debbie I am so sad you’ve lost him. I can’t imagine how you are, not least on a day like Thanksgiving. I think it’s a wonderful thing when two people rely on each other so much: it shows a great bond of trust that you looked after the house and he looked after the money. It is also reflected in him stepping in to look after you when you needed that. As he said “It’ll be OK”.
Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth reminded us after she lost her husband that mourning is the price we pay for love.
Thank you for thinking to share on here. I hope it helps a bit to share.
Very best wishes,
Richard
(p.s. I’ve moved your post into a new conversation).
I’m so sorry for your loss Debbie. I am thinking of you, and I completely agree with Richard passing along from an incredible lady, mourning is the price we pay for love. Take Care, John
Mourning really is the price we pay for love! She said it right. Thank you so much for your kind words Dick. 50 years was so long and so long ago. I adored that man or boy when i was 17 and we met. He was so beautiful to me. Weve had a good life mostly. We have 3 grown beautiful sons. 48, 45, &40. They are wonderful and im so glad they are all near. I keep waiting for him to get home and thats when im most sad. I remember that this is it. He wont be home. Thank you for responding.
It’s a very strange stage of life but it’s good to know your sons are quite close by. My wife has lost her father (during the first year of the pandemic but not due to the pandemic) and she misses him remarkably. Again, that feeling of “He’s out. He’ll be back soon.” draws her mind occasionally, which is difficult but in some ways is a celebration of the love between two people.
I think it’s amazing to have such a long history with someone, to grow up together to the extent that you and your husband did.
Lots of love
Richard
Thanku Richard. That means alot to me. Im so exhausted. Im still recovering surgery. Dec 9 will be a year. Im mostly tired. Still a bit dizzy, not too bad tho. But this has made me even more exhausted. I just want to get thru to the other side. I always thought id go first since my brain stroke and all. It was a total shock. Thanku for your response. Good to see Dick and Richard are still here…
Dick and Richard are both me! (You’re missing out John. He’s still here, too!)
Good to know your getting better bit by bit. I’d hope that you’ll get better still: just keep at it!
Hi Debbie, Condolences! Be kind to yourself please. Best wishes, Greg
Thanku greg. That was my husbands name too. When i typed out dick and richard i said to myself " that would be funny if this is the same one!" Lol. Know wonder u both sound so sweet. Thanku all so much…
Dear @Debbie
I am so sorry for your lost. I really hope and pray that you and your family are doing well. “ It is sad to loose someone we love, we take comfort in knowing that God has found them”
All the best
Francisco
Dear Debbie,
I cannot imagine how difficult it is for you to sustain such a loss at this time. Fifty years of marriage, three sons, and all the memories you had together…
You have already given thanks for the great assistance he provided to you in your recovery. You both learned a lot from that challenging year and it brought you closer together. Do not blame yourself for his heart attack. The factors that brought it on were present years before.
Wishing you support in your sorrow and strength in your continued recovery.
Lifeisgood
Thanku for your kind sweet words. Much love
Debbie I haven’t been on in a while, so please forgive the late condolences. I know this site will be of great help to you as you try to take things day by day. My husband has to do a lot for me and I too worry about him. He was a high-power lineman and was electrocuted, 42% 3rd and 4th degree burns and lost his right leg 17 years ago. He started to have to help me about 6 years ago. I try to convince him he doesn’t have to do so much, but he is stubborn. I love him dearly, but like you, I worry about him. We have to trust in the Lord that he knows what he is doing. Sometimes that is hard but believe in him. Keep in touch.
Hello everyone. Its been a long while since i visited here again. I have spent the last 7 mths in disbelief that my husband died suddenly. I was 11 mths past surgery and recovery. It has been very hard. Im having to move also into a low income apt where my mom also lives. I feel good about it other than two of my sons have to move somewhere too. That makes me feel very sad. I love all 3 of them being close and with me. I dont think im normal. They are definately grown men. Its me. But they have helped me get thru this struggle ive had to deal with and my brain thing causing me so much weakness. The wonderful news is i had my angiogram on friday the 16th, my would have been 50th anniversary. I celebrated with the great news that after 15 mths past surgery i am AVM free. I dont have to have another one for 3 yrs now and that will be my last one if it comes back clear. I want to live! Im getting a new start in life. Im free. I can make my own decisions i can change the channels on the tv. I dont have to ask for money. I can buy what i want. I can put all the vegetables i want in every single thing i make. I am free. Needless to say i was in a very hard, verbally and mentally abusive marriage. For 50 yrs that takes a huge toll on not only me but my sons. Even my sweet dog. We can all move on from abuse and AVMs. I honestly think i wanted my sons always to be around for a protection. My sons always wanted to be around me for a protection. Its hard to let that go. I am so happy… thanku for reading my story!!
Hello everyone. Ive taken a couple of weeks to post this but i had my year checkup angiogram, which actually is a yr and 1/2, and all came back clear. I was thinking how hard it is to grasp that im ok. I went thru a brain bleed that went into a stroke. Stayed in the hospital an entire mth. Lost all my hair. Had to be tied down in bed, as they didnt want me touching my drain tube. May not have been so terrible had i not vomited 5 times a day. My AVM landed in my cerebellum. The spot that makes u dizzy is the vermis. That is right where it was! Then 4 months of 3 embolizations. To a 6 mth later 14hr long surgery. I think ive had 4 angiograms. 2 when i was asleep. The words u are fine! Its all gone. That brought tears but im afraid of having a false hope. Im sure most of us suffer from Ptsd from this traumatic event. I guess after going thru 2 yrs of this and then losing my husband 11 mths into recovery it just seems unbelievable that something i could never have prepared for is over! I want to rejoice and i want to stop. Of course i still have weakness. I still have dizziness at times. But im so thankful that i can function. I cant do alot in a day like i used to. But thats ok. I hope with time i can get stronger still. I want to take it in and believe it now! I dont have to be checked again for 3 years. Ill be moving soon. Starting my life over after 50 yrs of marriage to a controller. Very verbally and mentally abusive. Feeling like i can do this is very hard since ive been told i cant since i was 18. Im going to sure try to beat it tho!!
This is a very turbulent time for you: I hadn’t appreciated until now that your husband was such a challenge. To have all of the changes that you’ve been going through in the last few years is a heck of a lot!
There is probably a fair bit of PTSD about it, as you say. Take each day as it comes. Get some support if you can that is focused on PTSD because you’re worth it!
I think you’re doing amazingly.
Very best wishes,
Richard
DickD
Thanku so much. That really came to me on a good day. I appreciate your heart. Im taking it slow. Theres so much around his death. 2 of our sons live here. We all have to split ways. I may have said this already, i didnt read my post again. Im sure we all felt we were protecting each other staying so long. Their job is over for mom. I find my heart is breaking for that. I know its normal to move on when your their ages for sure. They have off and on but weve always had a place to come home to. I wont now. They can stay a couple days with me if they want to. They will probably soar now. Theyve all been pushed down. Im trying to not sit and worry. I know it does no good. The what ifs are unbearable and most likely will never happen. Im still waiting for an apt to open. Im next on the list. Ive decided im going to enjoy living in my home as long as i can. Thanku for your response. Have a wonderful day
Sorry for your loss & glad to see you’re recovering & feeling much better… God bless!
Hello @Debbie
I am just reading your story now and so glad you are AVM free.
Having a stroke takes a lot out of us. When I had mine 12 years ago at 43 ( put me in a coma) I was a vegetable for a few months with what seemed a long road of recovery. Drs don’t like to give timeframes but since my stroke was actually a rare CVST -5 blood clots in my brain- brain damage to multiple parts of my brain mainly my basal ganglia.
Then I got my AVM from it. Which is a DAVF which is still have .I had another stroke about 10 months during my first Angio- embolism.
I am fortunate and see the top Stroke, pain and radiology surgeon at Stanford and since I was recovering faster than they thought they shared that they actually thought it was going to take me 3 years to recover .
I still have weakness and pain esp on my left stroke side and my brain 24/7. I can’t sleep and still have some aphasia.
I did try to go back to work against drs orders mainly because I needed my health insurance and my husband had quit his job to take care of me.
I ended up not being able to work after trying for 2 years. But I volunteer and I am commissioner with my local Aging and Adult Commission. Until then I had no idea that we have a federal law that mandates that every county have a Dept that gets federal funding , state funds and ours gets local taxes as well that fund many programs.
Our group puts together a handbook of all the free services for older adults, and people with disabilities in county . I am sure if you call your older and adult services they have book or can provide you what services you are eligible, like IN home support services, meals delivered, groceries, free iPads , and we even have free home repairs. There are many programs program’s people have no idea and tax dollars have been going to these since 1964…
In regards to your abusive husband and the major changes there should be free therapy and support services available. I am so sorry this happened to you and your family.
I think most of us have some form of medical PTSD from our AVMs / strokes. This stuff is so rare not even the drs really understand what we are dealing with really physically anyway.
Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story.
There should also be an adult community center locally that I suggest you try to go to , they usually have fun events and it’s a great way to meet people.
Staying social keeps our brains working and even just doing short walks also helps ours brains.
My pain neurologist say’s number one is sleep and number two is good protein and good fat ( good fats are coconut oil, Kerry gold butter , and extra virgin olive oil) you can get Kerry gold butter which is made from grass fed cows cheapest at Costco
We need this for our brains to heal and as we age.
Big Hugs to you Debbie
Angela
Hi, Debbie,
Gee, what a change in my complete understanding of your situation since your first post! After a few months, you disclosed so much more regarding your history and current status. Your loss of your husband after 50 years together had me feeling so sorrowful for you. Now, knowing that the relationship was abusive, has me feeling less so. You have found your strength.
My continued concern for your well being,
Lifeisgood